Toddler proofing your home: Twin parenting
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|   Dec 07, 2015
Toddler proofing your home: Twin parenting

Beware: Toddler(s) on the loose

A brief guide to toddler proofing your house, parents who aren’t there yet, please note, this is not meant to intimidate or offend, those already there, I feel you.:) Oh and parents to be, boy! Are you in for a hell of an adventure! Feel free to add on tips! Oh and for what it’s worth, there is no such thing as toddler proofing, it can’t be done, it’s a myth! But you can always try!

Life since the twins came around has been very different. It has been challenging to say the very least, but it is also invariably hilarious. I tell you, if things here were to be a sitcom, we would be a huge hit. Toddlers are funny little people. They may be little but the acts they can accomplish and the way they perceive things can have you rolling around in laughter, once you have taken enough breaths and said to yourself, I will not panic, I can handle the madness. One common deception most of us fall for is believing in these terms thrown around loosely like the terrible two’s. I for one thought “Oh, great! So my girls won’t be any trouble till they turn two!” Ha ha, in your face! That is the biggest lie there is, I have stopped dreading them turning two, I have no time to dread anything much less take a breath to chase after them, speaking of which, I can’t see one of them from my peripheral vision anymore. Let’s start with how to find your missing toddler.

If your toddler has not been seen for a few minutes and things are getting real quiet around the house, no, don’t put your feet up and relax. Run like the devil and turn on your toddler detection radar. In my case, this most often means that they are either systematically wrecking something they shouldn’t be touching or busy fishing for the filthiest things in the dirtiest corner of the house that you have been hoping they won’t notice. Like the place under the washing machine or behind your fridge, where they have found goop that is now gleefully being plastered not only on each other but on the walls of your home.

Think you can leave them to play *peacefully in the kitchen with a few spoons and plates? Look again, you will find that the dishes are now being positioned precariously to create something they can use to reach places that they previously couldn’t. Like yesterday when my daughter climbed on the hotbox and got her hands on the dish washing liquid. I’m just happy I saw it before it reached the tasting phase, and thank God it wasn’t oil, a lot messier to clean up, which was something they used to paint the kitchen floor last week.

Missing your earphones? Can’t locate your favourite CD? Where is the damned remote! Gone are the days when you worry about hiding a CD or a top you love from your sibling. Now everything that you cannot find in the house will be in one of three locations.

 A) On the ledge beneath your balcony (Yes, they love to throw things and watch it go whooshing past!),

B) In the laundry bag (It’s like how my dog used to hide his bones all over the yard, the laundry bag has been the hiding spot for remotes, earphones, creams and what not.)

 C) Inside the toy box (If A & B did not yield results, this is a sure-fire spot to find your missing stuff.

If none of these spots yield the missing loot, then God help you, I have found on occasion things in my shoe, and traces of what looks like finely chewed paper, at least I hope that is all it was.

Enjoying watching my twins play together is a big relief, but don’t let them fool you, if they are working together, it is a sign that a plot is being hatched to undo the momentary peace they have lulled you into feeling. I have learnt over time to not pull my hair out or panic when my house looks like an earthquake hit it; I hear more adventures await, like fishing in the toilet bowl, should you leave the bathroom door open.  But ask me if it is all worth it, and I say hell yeah! The hugs and kisses and smiles, make every minute absolutely worthwhile. Happy parenting folks!

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