Arranged marriages - The .com way!
|   Oct 21, 2016
Arranged marriages - The .com way!

“Hello Ma — how are you “ — said Krish as he chatted on skype with his mother.

“I am ok, Krish. Did you check out the shortlisted profiles I sent the links for. We have spoken to the families and met few girls also. Would be good if you spend sometime with the girl on skype” said Mrs Kumar.

“ok Ma. Please read in between lines before you shortlist . Just want someone who is honest and truthful” said Krish.

As Kumar aunty, my next door neighbour disconnected the skype call, her laptop gave a new pop-up notification — two new profiles uploaded on and without stopping for a moment, Kumar aunty again started browsing the profiles.

Kumar aunty and uncle , our next door neighbours, have been very busy(read pareshan!) these days as they are and have been searching for a suitable bride for their only son , Krish, an IT guy in his early thirties settled in Canada. The process which started slowly few years back has caught on all the momentum ever since Krish turned 33 last year.

 Aunty’s conversations have always been full of various anecdotes of how painful the process has been so far which kind of pushed me to help her out as she and uncle struggle to arrange a pipeline of profiles for Krish! As a result of this involvement, have been getting a surprise and shock capsule on various aspects of finding a suitable match (girl or a boy) using the most common medium of arranging the marriages — the matrimonial portals way!

Each day of the process, each profile visited and contacted has been a kind of revelation of a kind . Not all is bad yet a large percentage is full of false , exaggerated, tweaked , adjusted — all kinds of manipulated data which when tried to dig in is surely a reflection of the hollowness of the process or is it somewhere a  reflection of our society?

Kumar Aunty keeps wondering Krish ka kya hoga — and I keep cajoling her that she will very soon find her bahu - but the process surely has a lot many issues which become a pain for many prospective brides and grooms. Wastes a lot of time when you meet someone who is poles apart from what has been showcased. Marriages in India have mostly been arranged over the years and the process has always had its pitfalls. Relatives,  newspapers, middle men in temples - all have done this in history and still do it. What makes the process of arranging a match the .com way so frustrating then?

1) Pretensions — Projecting oneself as the most beautiful and the most handsome girl / boy. And for this, tweak your height , weight, skin shade as well as looks. Most of the uploaded profile pictures shout loudly that they are photo-shopped versions of the actual self. Why the pretensions, why not write you are 5ft if you are, what is the problem to mention weight as 70kgs if that is the truth or why so much fuss about the skin colour? On going deeper on few such profiles, I understood that all this is done as an advertisement — you know like — ek baar use karke to dekho — so the advertisement should be compelling enough for girl and boy to meet once, uske baad dekhte hain!

2) Social pressure — As a society, we encourage a show-off behaviour and a certain false definition of beauty. Advertisements for — fairness creams, slimming capsules, capsules for increasing height float around in abundance. All these things kind of bias the society towards a false definition of beauty which surely seems to be skin deep if we go by the various posts on matrimonial websites.

Kumar aunty and many more like her would be spared from a lot of frustration and pain if the prospective brides and grooms are mindful about the following as they plan embarking on a beautiful journey and hugely depend on the matrimonial websites -

1) Honest with the facts -Posting a profile which captures you in essence and not an advertisement which is trying to sell you.  Tweaked/exaggerated data is a bubble which is bound to burst, if sooner - then would bring wastage of time and energy and if later - then would lead to extreme disappointment and agony!

2) Realistic in your expectations — A poor princess getting married to a handsome prince is very common in fairy tale stories but not in reality. Similarly a common man marrying Miss World does happen in movies but rarely in real life. Life is not fantasy nor are we in a fairy land.Lets accept that!Ladka kaisa bhi ho , bahu should be an “all rounder” package. But is that a fair expectation?

3) Projecting the true self — Post something which reflects on the thought process , your nature and personality instead of trying to impress by stating superficial interests and hobbies. Dont say progressive if you still are expecting dowry in various forms and kind. Dont say supportive if you are not ready to let your spouse work and travel post marriage!

 After all - dont all contracts carry an undertaking that the stated facts are true - then why cheat on a  committment which should be strong and pious to tide over all highs and lows of life! Lets  take the first step for embarking on this beautiful life term committment with utmost honesty and as they say change starts with self!

A relationship started on a truthful note is bound to sustain and flourish.

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