Guilt of a Mom
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|   Jul 17, 2014
Guilt of a Mom

 

Sheryl Sandberg preaches that women should and should definitely work in her book “Lean In”… And this sends across pangs of guilt to all the stay-at-home moms…

And now very recently Ms. Indira Nooyi confesses that “Women can’t have it all” sending shivers and chills of guilt across the Career-Women.

So much for their personal opinions and all the media-hype around it…

 “Why so much fuss!!”.. I think… and think about myself and my little story..

 4 months old Mom to a baby boy, I decide to resume office. And with slight teething problems, I do settle in my office and mommyhood responsibilities. Fast and furious was my work portfolio and fast growing was my son. Never did I leave any stone unturned to meet my work-deadlines and never did I miss any of my son’s Doctor or School appointments. 

 There was madness throughout, races against time, pressures umpteen and unforeseen. But I was loving the adoration received from family, friends and colleagues.

Though my work and life kept lapping with each other, Work at office, however, is what I was slightly more obsessed with.

Side Effects—Preoccupied mind and losing patience too quickly with my son, resulting in Guilt.

But, they were all ignorable coz if not from me, my son anyways got his due attention from his grand-parents and father.

When he was four, I happened to take a sabbatical. Unused to staying at home throughout the day, life seemed to have come to a standstill.

And in that stillness, slowly and gradually I started observing, rather observing more closely, my unstill son. His childish mischiefs, giggles for silly reasons, messy imaginations, his hyperactive somersaults or his day-dream strolls, his look for appreciation, and his innocent eyes while going to school. 

Oh Boy! I was falling in love with them.

I would await for his school-anecdotes, play with him, read stories to him, analyse his interests, arrange for play-dates with his friends,
take him out on friday afternoons for movies or just for fun,..

These were things which I had hardly spent my time on before.  Yeah! In all this, I would still lose my patience sometimes, but it was much lower than the previous times.

I was enjoying being part of his inner-most circle now, knowing his minute details and being his first choice of comfort now. Our
relationship grew stronger and stronger.

Having said that, lingering on was another guilt. Guilt of leaving my career, despite having a very encouraging joint-family support system. So, even though I was rejoicing my new-found bond with my son, the corporate life kept beckoning me throughout.

I realised what I wanted now. A routine career yet a calm mindspace for my family.  

And recently as my son turned 5, after a year of break, I have joined back work again. BUT, I follow certain rules very strictly to maintain a work-life balance.

  1. Job is good but not worthy of a pre-occupied mind.
  2. Job maybe fast paced but family should have its right space.
  3. Household chores can be outsourced but parenting cannot. When at home, child ought to be the biggest priority.
  4. Fulfilling school appointments is good but not enough. Understanding your child in depth is far more fulfilling. 

While a lot of working-mothers might have cracked this code of work-life balance early on but it took me a sabbatical to realize that. And now that I have, am at peace,…. and above all Guilt-free.

Having experienced guilts of both the worlds now I believe it is each woman's own priority of what she wants most and be at peace with the rest. It is worthy to pursue a career or a passion with an appropriate support system as much as it is worth to nurture full-time and see your child(ren) grow.

 

 

 

 

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