Practising "Positive Parenting" has confused me as a parent, can you help?
|   Feb 18, 2017
Practising "Positive Parenting" has confused me as a parent, can you help?

Motherhood is a precious gift of god and being a mother is a feeling that is unimaginably precious. I feel my selves fortunate enough to get this opportunity twice in my life. Being a mom of two lovely daughters is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

Apart from this pleasure and happiness, today I would love to share one of my parenting experiences with you. And I desperately need your suggestions and strategies for the same. Before starting the conversation about the main subject, I want to share a little about my pregnancy and motherhood journey. It was not the easy one. After having 3 miscarriages, I was under constant mental stress as well as the desire for having a baby. I had quit my job, taken prolonged medical treatment…and at last, after 5 years of marriage, I blessed with a beautiful daughter. It was the luckiest moment of my life. And after her birth, I want to cherish each and every moment of togetherness with her. While enjoying this first-time mom journey to teach my doll the best thing regarding every aspect of childhood, was the single and prominent motto of my life. I had put my best effort regarding everything like developing healthy eating, reading, how to keep her engaged in creative activities. And I was gaining the awesome results by doing these. I am truly a strong believer of “Positive parenting principles”. And I had applied these principles in my parenting always.

When we blessed with the second kid as a daughter after 3 years, I was again on the same path. How to make a strong bond between both? How to manage both kids with equal attention? Were the newest issue for me, and again I had used my all-time favourite “Positive parenting” principles. You may be wondering that why I am explaining all these? And what am I actually wanted to narrate? But please be a little patient, so I was talking about the “Positive parenting”, principles. I want to explain it for a moment. For me, it is

  • I always try to deal any parenting issue, child tantrum with patience and communication.
  • I always do a proper observation before making any reaction (especially negative) on my kids.
  • I rarely screamed or shouted or yelled at them.
  • I always put them above on me. And try to understand their emotions without considering my own mental or physical status.
  • I always give them more than enough time and try to solve their every big and small problem with being patient and keep a good interest.
  • Lastly, I always in extreme focus and put my best effort to make them a strong and independent individual.

You may be thinking that what is new in this? And most of the moms are doing this? If I am doing so many good things for my kids than what are the main issues? Yes, there is no unique thing that I am doing, and there is no need to explain them it to others. But the main issue is that while practising these principles I am caught up in a cycle of manipulation.

As we all know, disciplining the kids is the most important aspect of parenthood. It is equally important to make them disciplined while nurturing other qualities. But for me, it is the most difficult aspect of parenthood. It is not like that my kids are so indiscipline or doing so many wrong things. But still, it is a matter of concern for me. I had a strong communication bond with them, but my communication never put an effect directly. If I used extra polite words or use a story telling kind of attitude while convincing them, then it’s worked. Otherwise, it is completely useless. In short, my positive parenting tactics had converted into a manipulation method. And I believed it was all right with small kids, but now when my dolls are almost 8 and almost 5, I hate to use this extra polite attitude or super kind words with them every time. I want to listen to them directly my statements without much argument. But whenever I try any another method or make a straightforward statement, they wouldn’t listen to me. They never respond be positively with simple yes or ok mamma mode.

Sometimes, I felt that I have done something wrong with my parenting style. Sometimes I felt that I had missed some important thing, not as a mom. As a conclusion, while having a good success and satisfaction in other aspects of parenting “Discipline or listen to me” is one aspect that I felt I am failed completely. Whenever my husband told me that it is all because of your positive parenting, I feel so bad. But it is true that my “Positive parenting” principles have turned into a manipulation method. And I am also wanted to get rid of it.

So I want to know your suggestions and opinion about it. Is it a common occurrence in every household that kids would not listen or is it my solely experience? What are your strategies to develop a better discipline in your kids? Did you find anything wrong in my way and principles of parenting? What changes should I make from my side? Please take out your precious time and share your suggestions and experience? Thanks in advance.


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