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I think being a mom and enjoying the journey of motherhood is a dream of every woman. And I am fortunate enough to get the opportunity to feel that cherish moment twice in my life. I had experienced the wide spectrum of emotions after being a mom.
It was 5 years ago when I was 2nd time pregnant and being a mom of a cute baby girl I had heard assumption of my surrounding peoples (neighbourhood, relatives, friends…) since the time of pregnancy. People had realised me that you have gone to battle once, you are an experienced soldier and this time, you will win this battle only if you had a baby boy.
When the time came, and we blessed with our second child as a beautiful, completely healthy baby girl, I was very happy that I had passed the difficult 9 months of journey successfully. I was overwhelmed that my big princess gets a life- long friend and sibling. I was relaxed that labour has completed without any complication and we both (I and my daughter) were healthy. But my all happiness and satisfaction had ruined by surrounding peoples with their unpleasant comments "oh! Again a girl child", "Bad luck…", "unfortunate…." Oh! My god I was sucked with their nasty remarks.
In spite of being a doctor and living in the educational hub of the country (Nagpur) I had faced those tough moments. I felt that as if something terribly wrong had happened to me. And that I was unfortunate. My inner strength was weakened not because I was actually feeling worthless but because peoples around me wouldn't stop pointing fingers.
I was in the period of depression for a brief time. But very soon I had realised an automatic adoration with the new precious gift of god. Her smile and giggles had filled my house with a new energy. It was intensely amazing when my big girl had made an instant magical connection with her little one. It was absolutely wonderful to seeing my two little one together. We as a family were enjoying each moment of togetherness. I get that there is a new beauty in life while spending time with two babies.
After getting that joy and satisfaction, I had ignored the conversation that tends to be rude or insulting to me. Even though it was not the easiest approach, but I had also tried to respond to rudeness with a kind smile and pleasant demeanour.
After analysing the whole situation, I had sorted out 5 unique reasons, why I did not miss having a baby boy?
We love our kids…..not their gender
Life is a beautiful journey and in this journey, we fall in love with someone (who is made for us), get married and moving ahead in our journey after having kids. We get immense joy and satisfaction after being a parent. I think, in this journey having kids….make them grown up…watch their antics and enjoy the each step of their childhood is important. We love our kids irrespectively and unconditionally. Their gender, physical appearance had no place in pure love and care of the parent.
We want a sibling for our older baby
It is a prominent reason for having a second baby. Whenever our first child gets bored, feel alone or when we think about his/her future (that he/she will need a lifelong support) we plan a second baby. We know that friends come and go, but family is forever. From birthday celebration to a walk down aisle, sibling stand by each other through all of the life's incredible moments. Having a sibling ensures us that they will have a blood connection even after we have passed away.
Here again, having a sibling, a lifelong companion is important. It does not matter that he/she will get a brother or sister. And we should also enjoy that moment of beginning of sibling relationship. It is worthless to focus on the gender issue.
Because I had seen other examples ….too
It is a common belief that "boys are usually counted upon to take care of their parents during old age" and "girls are considered as a financial burden and will go away after getting married" but in the true sense, it is a totally a misconception. I had seen several examples in our society when parents of boys are staying at an old age home, while girls are taking excellent care of their parents during old age.
Here again, the upbringing of a child is important. His/her moral and social values, behaviour, respect for elders is mandatory. So we should always focus on a healthy upbringing for a happy and educated children (it is valueless to create a gender agenda)
Because I do not want to set a wrong example for my kids, family and society
We are living in the 21st century and we talk about equal rights for women every day. But India is still orthodox when it comes to giving equal rights to women. Dowry, female foeticide, domestic violence and so many other social evils are part of our Morden society. According to a report published in India today, approximately 2500 cases of female foeticide take place every day in Rajasthan. During routine life, we often heard this kind of news, we react and then we forget after some time. But if we actually want to eradicate the social evils from our society, we need to take a step (even a tiny one) from our sides too.
Being an educated woman, I do not want to set a wrong example for my daughters. I do not want my kids to grow up with a thought that being a woman or giving birth to a girl child is a shaming thing. I do not wish my daughters experience a fix notion that they always need a male to feel strong and confident. I want to make them a bold and self-sufficient person, who can take their decision independently. I want that they enjoy their life peacefully, without a guilt or fear of being a woman or not having a male sibling.
Because I do not want to let down my parents
Last but not least I am a proud daughter of my loving parents. They had always support my choice in life. They had always given me an unconditional love and care. And I got the equal opportunities in all field of life. They had never done discrimination between me and my brother. I never felt a bit of gender decimation in their upbringing. And as a responsible daughter, I had also fulfilled my all responsibilities and duties for my parents. So now how can I let down them with a negative and orthodox thinking of not having a male baby?
After finding these unique reasons, now I can say confidently that I am a proud mom of two cute dolls and I did not want a male baby.
I am sure, it is not only my story, there are so many moms (like me) have gone through a similar phase when they blessed with a second child as a girl. How had you faced that difficult situation? How was your experience? What else can we do to improve the condition of women in India? Please share with us. I think it will help others a lot. Until then happy parenting!