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If something unpleasant makes you suffer, there is still some logic to it, but if something as pure as love makes you suffer, its plain sad.
When a mother brings a baby into the world, no matter how much she prepares herself for the new arrival, she is bound to be challenged thoroughly. It’s the unconditional love that keeps her going. On the beautiful road of motherhood, she herself brings on a lot of suffering in the form of guilt. Being a mother myself, I can tell you for sure, that there is not a single day, that I am not guilty of something or the other.
Whether you are a working mother or a stay at home mom or a work from home mother, none of us is spared of one or the other form of guilt, for example:
A working mother's guilt: I dont get to spend enough time with my child. The work keeps me away from my baby most of the times and when i am back home, i am too tired to give much.
A Stay at home mother's guilt: To manage home, especially with the baby is a double duty in itself, which no one appreciates. The world thinks, I have made a wrong choice to leave my career take a back seat for my baby. Sadly, I feel less able, am I being useless?
A work from home mother’s guilt: The boss expects perfection, the family expects perfection, heck, I myself expect perfection. Unfortunately, I am not two person, I am just one, managing everything in the best possible way, yet i feel guilty of not giving my 100% to neither my work not my family and no one cares.
Mother’s guilt isn’t going anywhere, and its very real. Even the most amazing, attentive, committed moms, feel at some point of time that they aren’t good enough. I would like to tell this to all you beautiful moms reading this, that the idea of “Perfect” is flawed and unwanted. Your kid needs you to be happy and not “perfect”. The guilty you is not going to let you be happy. There is no such thing as too much time or too little time with your child, what matters is, how you spend your time with the kid. How much laughter and hugs and kisses you share.
So when the next time, the guilt in you gives a nudge, get real. Perfection and Parenting in same breath – it’s ridiculous. Stop comparing yourself to any benchmark you have set for the “ideal mother” image. Write your own story and live in it, rather than attempting to star in someone else’s drama. Love is the only requirement to be a supermom and every mother is capable to perfect it. Focus on what you are doing right? If in doubt, ask the question to your children and their answers would sure surprise you. For we are our worst critic, in the quest to be a better mother, we beat ourselves out of reality.
Lastly when I look back at my childhood, the warmest memories are not when my mother cooked me the tastiest dish or when she kept the home organised. The best memories are when, she would put her feet down and gave a damn about what others would think. When she would walk me into her imperfect mad world, assuring in every step that its ok to be wrong, its ok to make mistakes. When she would share her silly crazy experiences and hear out mine without being preachy or judgemental. When she would let me hug her telling, she is the best mom in the world.
So do think of the finest memories of yours with your mother and recreate it with your child, for only those memories will stay the test of times and stay till the end. Rest everything can wait.