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I am going to die!
I am not supposed to say those words or even think about it. Isn’t that Right? No, it’s wrong!
From my childhood days, I was told to touch wood, slap myself, beg forgiveness from the angels (who shower ‘thathashu’* on every word I utter) etc. every time I said those words. But, no matter what I say or do, I am eventually doing to die. In fact, ALL of us are going to die someday. I know I just stated the obvious and NO, this is not an essay on spirituality or the philosophy of life.
People who have had near death experiences say that our entire life (well, the most important parts of it) flashes in front of us. I don’t know about that. But stuck in the midst of the recent Bangalore riots, the fear of death did get to me and I was filled to the brim with questions of my little one's future and regrets. Regrets ranging from ‘not updating the secondary contact in my kid’s profile at school’ to ‘not letting her eat the ice cream she has been begging me for a while’.
After this episode, this one question keeps playing on loop in my mind. ‘What if I die today?’
With all the violence in the country and young people dying in road accidents; is it OK for me to take life for granted and assume I will live on forever?
So, hanging up my emotions and sentiments neatly in the closet, I am ready to wear my practical personality and think about what happens to my kid after my time on earth. The typical mother in me says it's my responsibility to secure a future for my kid even after my death. So, I write a list to ensure that everything from finances and care giving is taken care of.
So, here goes my top-5 list.
I could share all this with my spouse and a trusted family member. As a backup plan, I could also involve a trusted friend. I could also make a ‘will’,not because I don't trust people but, just so there are no disputes among my loved ones later. My list may not be complete and my plan may not be perfect. Nevertheless, I believe it’s a good start.
I am aware nothing can fill the void that my absence is going to leave in the hearts of my family. At the very least, by doing all this I can make their lives a tiny bit more comfortable. After all, I already have a life insurance. How different is this list?
Having said all this, am I all set to die? Obviously, NO! I will continue to pray to God for a happy long life, touch the feet of elders to seek the blessing of ‘Ayushman Bhava**’ and enthusiastically make my next 50 year plans.
Not just Robert Frost; I too have promises to keep and miles to go before my soul rests in peace.
*Thathasthu – so be it
** Ayushman Bhava- may you have a long life