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It's vacation time, some kids are visiting their Nani houses, some are holidaying with parents and some are going to summer camps. Every family plans a vacation or a break based on there needs, priorities and available time.
I had planned one too for my family, coz all of including my in laws, hubby, kid and me needed a break. In laws needed a break from kids responsibility, hubby and I needed a vacation together and kid needed relaxed summer holidays with stress free parents. And so it was planned.
Eyebrows were raised and questions were ask in offices, but family comes first. And so there was no stopping.
All set to go, when hubby declared that he has to cancel his vacation due to some urgent work in office. After some sad discussions we realized that it wasn't possible to go together. But kid deserves this break and so did I, so with certain change of plans...I decided to visit my parents (mayka) and planned a short trip for my son to a near by hill station.
But how can a daughter in law visit her mayka before visiting her hubby's native and extended family? So I reached the parental house and after some conversation, declared that I would be leaving next day to my parents place. That's when I saw the ego clashes...How can you go so early, you have to stay at least for 2 days, we haven't met you properly etc etc. "Ghar ki bahu Kam se Kam 2 din to ruke, log kya kahenge".
Hubby canceled his plan, I supported him, coz I know how important it was for him. But I ended up being a proxy for him. To full fill his absense on stake of my holiday. Will he ever do that for me...If at all he were in my place. Will he stay at my parents place for 2 days in my absense. I doubt. He would probably cancel everyone's vacation. If I am a very lucky women, then he would probably do that. But in most cases hubbies don't become proxies. I still haven't asked him this btw ;)
So what should I have done? Changed my plan again to make everyone happy, to satisfy family parampara or ego, or continued with my plan?
Why are daughter in laws still expected to visit the in-laws place first? Why can't we change this trend once in a while? Do parents of daughters miss them lesser than a guys parents? Do daughters loose the right to decide after marriage? Why is visiting mayka still a huge topic of discussion? Why do we still say "ladke wale bahut ache hain, beti ko Milne ane dete hain". Why does my mom tell me to ask my mother in law about MY plan, so that she doesn't feel bad. I would agree to all this if I were a little girl, not mature enough to take my decision, but I feel it's more about satisfying the ego.
Which era are we living we living in? I am confused as ever, I want to revolt but how? May be, years later I will change this for my daughter-in-law. Another point to be taken care to teach your daughter...Make your own decision!
Anyways this is an open question...What would you do?