How do parents exactly model children , they don't want?
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|   Jul 25, 2017
How do parents exactly model children , they don't want?

With so much complexity and darkness surrounding parenting today, we have reached a point where this bountiful journey seems mundane and having tried all the hookups and parenting tricks to visiting counselors, psychologists it literally looks like a stormy cloud amidst parents of today and emerging stars of tomorrow( Our children). I bet that rather than looking at our waistline and working towards our health and fitness, we spend more time in searching for best parenting tips and strategies. We are actively looking for someone to teach us these skills in order to be the best parents. And , why not? After all, we all are human beings and always wish the best for our kids and want them to be a diamond wherever they go.

Has it ever happened that even after trying all the possibilities and relentless ways in order to mark appropriate behavior in your child, we end up nowhere and start feeling reckless and frustrated? Not only this, you have given up on parenting and believe that it is not in your control now. You need a long break. Don’t worry. You are not alone. At a certain point in time, we all go through such crippling period in life.

“Who says that parenting is a walk in the park”? If you are looking to affix your child’s behavior? first look inside: The way we communicate, express our feelings, emotions towards our child has a crimping effect on our child’s mind. How many times have we been engaged in argy- bargy situations and have thrown harsh words towards our partner? And our child acting like a couch potato and enjoying those flames of war. It’s not simply ironic, rather terribly sad and tragic because our child is not enjoying, he is rather carefully monitoring this behavior. We are simply unaware that a log is being maintained in our child’s mind with all those negative words, phrases that we have been using. While we may not be intentionally having those heated arguments and never want our child to pick up those words and grasp, the truth is that dramatizing negative emotions and words have more impact rather than verbalizing a positive note. Our own personal unresolved psychological issues, problems, or even certain bad habits that we are not able to correct, becomes our offspring’s habit and is likely to be passed on to them.

Often we find parents, burdened with the responsibility of children. They find it hard and tangled. Unlike what used to be a phase of joy hood, love, and compassion, it has drastically transformed into a meek and submissive form of parenting.  Parents have a general tendency to rebuke their child when they display aggressive behavior. When our child does not follow our instructions we say our favorite adage: “Do what I say and not what I do”. If you don’t do what I say then it's  better you don’t enter my house”. 

When dealing with abusive relationships, both the parents are not able to control their anxiety in an argument, sadly we are conveying a message to our child that there is no way to deal with a problem. This, in turn, lowers down their capability to handle decisions and further problems later in their life. On the other hand, even if one of the parents kow tow, your child get’s the assurance and learns from your behavior that relationships can be worked out by merely apologizing and accepting your fault. They learn to be forgivers rather than blamers.

Now the question arises how can we be effective role models for our children.?

This is a big onus and requires strenuous efforts as well as continuous self-control for most parents. 

        1. Walk the talk: Remember the dictum: ” Do as I say, not as I do”. Gone are the times when this use to be a hard step rule to follow for children. In today’s era, this simply doesn’t work because we all know that children do exactly of what is being told to them not to do. So, it’s better to simply leave this practice. Children can sniff out hypocrisy like a private investigator and they gain the most from parents who demonstrate consistency between their actions and values by “Walking the talk”.

Take for example: If we want our child to respect us and listen to us, then we must first practice to listen and respect our own parents.

        1. Model through your words: Parents are like a  brassard i.e an armor plate that protects their child. Unknowingly we emit poison through our words, emotions, thoughts, feelings. Such a poison is easily taken by our children and wreaks a massive destructive behavior. One must remember that “History always repeats itself “. If we do not pay attention to the kind of words/talk we engage with our children, that day is not far off when our children would be passing the same to their offspring, friends, spouses , and plaguing the entire family. Don’t you think that would be an awful and embarrassing situation for us as well? So better take care of your words.
        2. Renew your own behavior and attitude: It’s never too late to do the right thing if you genuinely aspire for that. When you feel that you have done wrong or that you have displayed a negative behavior towards your child and that it was not correct at all, take a deep breath, relax. After all, we are all humans and no one is perfect. Sit back and analyze your action /behavior that went wrong. Write it down, if possible and then reframe your thoughts. Imagine the same behavior /action doing it the other way that your child is simply acknowledging. Gently apologize, and make your child understand what you were trying to convey to him. This simple act of courtesy and politeness would be surely fruitful in the long run. 
        3. Build strong relationships with your children: Your bond with your children should be so strong that whenever your child faces any difficulty you should be the first point of contact to consult. Be friends with them, give them hope and faith that you are always present in their challenging circumstances. Sometimes, even we need to express our own feelings and problems which will make them feel a part of us. Don’t hesitate in this regard. As many parents do not feel comfortable expressing their own feelings and emotions towards their child. This is perhaps the biggest mistake we commit. 

Last but not the last it becomes imperative to forgive their mistakes:

      1. This doesn’t imply that we have to be great and bright in their eyes by forgiving their mistakes. It just means that we as parents understand them and know that mistakes play a very crucial role in shaping an individual because the best lessons in life can be learned only from our mistakes. One of the biggest skills that we can impart to our children today is learning, learning and learning.

Let your children learn from their parents and parents learn from them too. Once we adopt this skill, we are on the road towards the beautiful journey of parenthood far from complexities, doubts, and fears. Every parent should inculcate this skill in their children as well as themselves so that the world could be a better place to thrive.

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