I cherished all the anxieties…yes, that’s right!
|   Oct 13, 2016
Knowledge Partner
I cherished all the anxieties…yes, that’s right!

The missed period, the impossible bouts of nausea, aversion towards some food items- all of it and I knew, just knew, what the time ahead had in store for me…only, I wasn’t exhilarated I was anxious, very anxious. I am a mother of a three-year-old daughter but I didn’t bear her during my first pregnancy, I had also conceived before.


During my first pregnancy things were so new and alien to me that I found myself taking everything super seriously on one moment and being breezy about everything on another. I would blush while looking at my reflection in the mirror- realizing that the one I see in the mirror is not just a woman but also a mother. I would pull my dress from behind and tuck a part of it with a pin to check whether my pregnancy was visible already, I would think about those later days in the pregnancy when my tummy would need a lot of accommodation on the bed, every time I would enter a drug store, I would allow myself a moment to check out the baby products displayed on the shelves and resist the temptation of buying them as yet…


My world went for a harsh spin when one fine day, I was left with just me… an empty me. The pregnancy lasted only four months but the mother in me was still alive. With a lot of support from my husband and family, I managed to come out of the dark - the space where I found myself groping for my lost baby all the while. Like a mature and strong adult, I accepted the fact that I cannot undo whatever had happened and had to pull myself together to face the future…


Six months hence and I conceived the second time but the ratio of elation and nervousness - as compared to the first time – had reversed. Owing to the hangover of the pain of the first pregnancy, I was anxious about every little bit during the period of nine months. Everything that I had anticipated fondly during the first time happened this time round but a ting of fear would always lurk around. Finally, the day came when I got to hold my baby in my arms for the first time. I felt all my cravings, my fears, apprehensions melting down in that surreal moment of truth - that my baby is safe, healthy and in my arms. However, in a matter of few hours I realized the arrival of this little human had made way for a fresh batch of moments of anxiousness and apprehensions…The poops and the pees, the breastfeeding and the burps, the wide awake nights and the exhaustion, the coughs and the sneezes- all of it had me super overwhelmed. But hey, I did not complain, for these were ‘happy’ anxieties- the ones I had been craving for.


So when I was checking out the different elements in the amazing package sent by J&J, I was easily immersed in the memory book right away. With the turn of every page, my brain flashed images of my lovely days of early motherhood and instantly reminded me of how awfully anxious a mother I made. The book allowed me to walk down to my first days of motherhood, those of my first pregnancy. In a matter of minutes I relived the moments of new joy, pain, dejection, anxiousness, anxiousness and more anxiousness. I felt a smile curving my lips as I looked back at all the ups and downs that had shaped me into a stronger human being and an even stronger mother- who by the way has learned to cherish every moment of this thing called motherhood…


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