FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE AND COPING SKILLS-POWER STRUGGLES KA THE END!
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|   Jul 10, 2017
FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE AND COPING SKILLS-POWER STRUGGLES KA THE END!

If you think you are parenting positively , are empathetic to your child’s needs and can see that the crying in your child is definitely not a sign of weakness but a positive manifestation of his/ her true self , this article is for you! Even if you choose to believe otherwise , please go ahead ..You may end up getting a few reasons to change the way you do.

With ample information and expert inputs floating all around you on parenting and bringing up kids , I intend not to add to further information overload and to touch upon briefly  only  selective areas  of every parents concern.  I write this on a premise that  we all want to have a better grip on our children’s emotional outbursts like frustration , anger , jealousy etc  when it comes to setting firm limits and that too without power struggle; My list of issues addressed here are:

  1. Kids today have a comparatively lower threshold for frustration , anger , and many more negative emotions. Could the mantra of Positive Parenting help?
  2. Kids today can be demanding. Does Empathetic upbringing mean agreeing to their demands on all or most occasions? It’s definitely another area that needs skillful handling.;
  3. How can crying in kids be handled? I feel manipulated when my child indulges in that; and
  4. Doing away with the unnecessary POWER STRUGGLE. It’s taxing and takes my relationship with my children downhill.

 

 I suggest here some very worth-a-try techniques that will recreate and re-enerzise your parenting blueprint hence forth.

 

  1. SETTING FIRM LIMITS FOR EXPRESSING EMOTIONS: say “FRUSTRATION”

It’s important to understand that Positive Parenting is the most impassive parenting to employ here and not just a one time mantra.

 

THE TECHNIQUE WOULD GO AS :

  • DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE – For example:” I SEE YOU ARE FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR PROJECT OR YOU ARE STILL THROWING TOYS?”

 

  • SET A LIMIT: “WE DO NOT THROW TOYS WHEN WE ARE FRUSTRATED OR WHEN WE ARE ANGRY”

.

  • OFFER AN OPTION: “CAN YOU USE WORDS TO ASK FOR HELP?” OR you may say” IT SEEMS THE PROJECT HAS TO BE PUT AWAY FOR SOMETIME!”- There’s a possibility that the child may get even more angry or cry , but its your role as a smart parent to access those feeling that were masked y his anger by being empathetic.
  • 2.EMPATHY IS CERTAINLY NOT ALL YES – YES. It’s simply putting yourself in the child’s position for a while to seek clarity.

 THE TECHNIQUE NOW WOULD BE AS :

  • EMPATHIZE: “You do not want the project to be put away?”
  • SET A LIMIT: Capping a bad behavior could go like this: “WE CAN BE ANGRY BUT WE CANNOT THROW TOYS LIKE THIS.”

            FOCUS ON CONNECTION NOW- “Do you want to sit down with me and talk before you find something else to do.”

 This is very empowering because no-where you are underestimating the child’s own power of choosing and taking a call.

 3.CRYING IN KIDS IS NOT MANIPULATIVE AT ALL. IT IS NOT A SIGN OF OVER-SENSITIVE OR WEAK KIDS AT ALL. –You should see it as a positive sign as it indicates the child is comfortable enough to show his/ her true self around you. The technique here is the simplest:

  • EMPATHY- "Oh ! These were some real big tears."
  • FOCUS ON CONNECTION: "Do you want me to cuddle you before you find something else to do?"...( In case of older kids , use whatever else he/ she is keen on ,as cuddling may or may not work for all)

 4.UNDERSTAND THAT POWER STRUGGLES ARE TRULY DAMAGING AND TO KEEP IT IN CHECK JUST A FEW LITTLE THINGS WOULD BE WORTH A TRY. These include:

 In case of Intense, negative emotion outbursts- Anger will always be retaliated by Anger , so stay calm and express your frustration in a wisely chosen manner.

  • In case of getting something done , keep your responses short and crisp be and appear firm but not without empathy and connect (AS SUGGESTED IN ABOVE PARAGRAPHS)
  • No parent should consider themselves above self control if you nurse any desire to see that in your kids
  • And finally , even in the heat of the moment , your empathetic words and strategies can be a saviour big time.

While the simple steps outlined above could be your saving grace on power struggles between you and your children, It’s also a sure shot way to boost their tolerance of frustration and many more negative emotions and their abilities to cope in the long run!

 

IF THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN OF SOME VALUE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR KID , REQUEST YOU TO SUPPORT ME ( WITH YOUR FEEDBACK IN COMMENTS OR A SUBSCRIPTION TO MY BLOGS / FOLLOW)IN MY MISSION TO SHARE MY KNOWLEDGE , SKILLS AND EXPERTISE TO MAKE LIFE OF PARENTS AND CARETAKERS EASIER AND SORTED.

 

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