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When I reached a certain age, I was told to take care of my little brother. He is seven years younger than me. So it was pretty understandable that I was big enough to take his responsibility when mum was not around. Initially, I felt proud and big that I have been given a responsibility but later, I started hating it all. There were many things I could not do because of him, else he will also do the same and spoil it. I had to behave in a particular manner because he was following me.
Now, I wanted to be the younger one. I wanted to be a child again, to live the way I wanted to be. I decided not to repeat this situation when I would be a mum.
Today, I am a mum. A mum to two kids; elder daughter and younger son. And yes, the history is repeating itself. Not because I forgot what I decided. But because I realised what my mum went through at that time. I know it now, how much help was I lending her by playing and taking care of my little brother.
Yes, I also feel lighter when my daughter plays with my son. She engages him well that I fail to. Whenever, he is crying over what to do and what not, his sister comes to rescue. And that is a big relief to me. He listens to her before me. What I can't explain to him is a simple task for my daughter.
Ok, I know I can't burden my daughter with responsibilities of a mum. No, I don't mean that. But Yes, I depend on her. When I am too tired with household work and her school deadlines, my son is convinced by her only.
Am I too harsh on her?
I am guilty many times thinking am I being too harsh on her? Am I preventing her from being a child? To have her own time and enjoy the way she wants to be?
Yes, I feel I am stopping her from doing things at her own pace. She also wants to enjoy reading a book or write something or just relax doing nothing. And I tell her to play with him because I have to finish my chores and he is stopping me from doing so.
And I have seen her enjoying when she plays with him. Still, some times I feel I am snatching her childhood. So I talked to her in private where I opened my heart to her. She is small to understand all. But she knows she has the liberty to take her own decisions provided I keep checking the limits.
I and my daughter have so many private times when we two go to shopping or write something together. And we relish that time so much. She understands me but she is still a child. How much can I expect from a 9-year-old girl?
The dilemma is always there in my heart which makes me uncomfortable and I try to improve myself. I organise things in my mind and think of ways to keep my younger one busy.
Do you get into such dilemmas ever? What are your solutions?