If I could change my life......
|   May 10, 2017
If I could change my life......

Nilakshi was a talented young girl with a golden heart.she was a happy go lucky girl,pampered by her father and taken care by her doting mother of her needs and necessities. 

She is studying in class 4.

It's weekend but there is a scary silence in the home environment.her father is yet to come back home....it's 11.00 pm already.she and her elder brother has finished dinner but have been waiting at the window pane for their dad.at 11.45 pm the door bell rang.....it was her father not in a state to stand up straight up and the air around got filled with the obnoxious smell of the liquor.her heart sank down as she now knew what would follow.........abusive languages would be hurled at each other ,things when stretched can turn into physical abuses and would end going to sleep seeing her mother helplessly crying and cursing her life.

This was almost a routine in alternative weekends.

Her father  worked in a government body at a respectable position and he was very organised and financially well planned. He was a responsible family man having the responsibilities of his parents,brother and wife and children.He was an adorable father specially to his daughter. They both had lovely memories together.....learning to ride a bicycle,going to school on his motorbike,cooking chilly chicken at home together,going on trip on vacations.enjoying quality music on Sundays, washing car.,on weekdays or special days her father used to bring best of the  food ,which he experimented in kolkata as he was a food lover for the family the list is endless.She definitely looked upto her father but was never able to understand the dark side of her father......what made him get into that mode......why her father had that black spot amongst all the amazing qualities he had....why the devil staying dormant on normal days came out in a ferrocious form when associated with spirit.This phase lasted for some years and nilakshi was 9 or 10 years and was 14-15 years when it ended.

Her mother at the age of 5 shifted from Bangladesh to kolkata holding the hand of her aunt (jethima) who she was very fond of leaving behind her family in Bangladesh. She grew up at her elder brother's place with not so supportive bhabhi. The financial condition was not appreciating.After finishing her 12th she was married off.

With a loving father in law but horrendous mother in law she started her new phase with sheer love and dedication.she was a lover of music theatre and was a jolly and friendly personality.

With the birth of Nilakshi they shifted to their own home and started living as a nuclear family frequently visiting their in laws and performing all necessary duties.

Nilakshi was a very jolly,honest ,well behaved and smart young girl but with this onset of the  turbulent episode she slowly got inside a shell and in school was afraid of asking questions .....hesitant about sharing her pains and dilemma.as she entered her teens her mother's attitude towards her changed.With the hormonal changes in her body she suddenly put on a weight and was constantly body shamed by her mother and brother and she started losing her self image and it affected her decision making capacity.Her mother discriminated between her and her son....if scored not upto her mother's expectation she was humiliated on road and even slapped for this petty marks issue.She was once humiliated and blamed in front of her dad's colleagues when they were on a outing with them.Reason....a childish tiff nilakshi had with her father regarding a jacket she did not want to wear before starting off for the picnic which created a bit of argument at home.her dad had missed the train which they had boarded while coming back home and nilakshi was blamed for the small incident wherein her dad boarded the next train and reached safely.

During this phase her dad had been her support and always encouraged her for studies, given her the liberty to enjoy life during her school and college days and always respected her decisions. 

Years passed and she got established in life and was going around with a guy who was not from a affluent family but belonged to a family of values and discipline.he was hard working and self made man. Her father supported her but her mother was against this decision .from the time she was doing her masters till she started doing job her mother was after her life to get her married...had lot of ego tussles.....the relation detoriated and went such extent that she stopped tasking 7 days before Nilakshi 's marriage to the guy she loved.

Nilakshi was hurt and shattered because she respected and obeyed her mother through the as she had hard life.....she took the initiative to counter her father during those disturbing nights. ...took effort to celebrate her mother's birthday which no one in the family did...out 9f her pocket money took her theatre or music concerts which she loved.....gifted her a saree with her first salary.....but alas nothing could win her mother's heart which was occupied optimally by her son .

After some years .......one morning she is sitting beside her window pane with the morning coffee in hand with her daughter in school and hubby at office pondering over the unanswered questions of her childhood. But with the maturity today she has the ability to atleast understand a bit about her father and her mother.

Her father inspite of having all the qualities had one aspect which she was never happy with......but as she has gone through a lot in her life after marriage she now seems to understand her father.....her father maybe was never appreciated for what responsibilities he performed for everybody ....be it his mother or siblings....or office superiors...maybe he did not get in life what he aimed for or wished....maybe he searched for a friend,a emotional support from his wife but lacked.....or there was no proper communication or it might be the wrong association he got into through a business opportunity he was into along with his job where he also had huge financial loses..... but no answer could justify his actions.....but also true her father was a human after all.

For her mother it was actually a mirror image of the not so happy childhood which she was reflecting on her daughter and as she did not have the exposure to the outer world and followed the traditional trend of supporting the son no matter how worthless he is.....maybe it was like a honeybee colony. A queen bee cannot tolerate a younger queen bee and the younger one leaves the colony and builds one of her own.

She was unable to take the relationship which nilakshi and her father shared.Nilakshi got pampered and was supported by her father and was given the liberties which nilakshi's mother never enjoyed due to her interfering and manipulative MIL.

Today she feels that if her mother had got an opportunity to consult an external consultant of the issues she faced..she would have been a different person maybe...if nilakshi ,as she grew up would have taken an initiative to talk with her parents more and in depth and addressed the situation .....or if her parento would have explored various support  options if internet was available at that time and went for counselling. .....but it was late and damage was done.......

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