My perfect Facebook life.
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|   Apr 17, 2017
My perfect Facebook life.

Let me begin by saying that it's a perfect representation of my not so perfect self and life. When I scroll through my posts and updates and compare it with my real life it's like watching an episode of myth vs. reality.

It's a deceptive world, all those hallmark moments have some really good amount of yelling, screaming, getting screamed back, sulking, blackmailing, getting blackmailed back and finally giving in.

The beautiful family pics is not that beautiful after all. Try getting a teenager, a candy obsessed 9-year-old, a hyper mom, and a dad who would rather take the pics then be in it , in one frame. It's like committing hara-kiri. But, thankfully we have cameras which doesn't capture the real struggle behind that picture perfect photo.

Let's talk about my own pictures/selfies. The good quality of camera and even better quality of filters make me look decent . The camera doesn't capture fine lines, that errant grey hair which some how makes an appearance no matter how much I hide it with colour or by different parting, not to forget about my actual girth( this comes by sucking in your tummy). So if you meet me in person, somewhere outside of this virtual world, I want to warn you that I might look like the distant, messy, unkempt relative of the person in my profile pic.

It's not only my pictures which are getting filtered but my emotions too. For instance all anger, jealousy, sadness finds a cover in like/love button.

It's not that I am jealous all the time but then people also test my limits. There will definitely be a fbf i.e. Facebook friend who is always off to some amazing road trip, vacation to exotic location or attending some destination wedding. I mean seriously, who are you? Some business tycoon. Don't you go to office to earn your bread and better. Don't you have a boss, who, even when you say that there is a death in the family, will give you a look which can be easily translated into, "what is a death"?

And then that childhood best friend of mine it seems like she carries her entire closet, wherever she goes. Matching earrings and purse on a foreign trip. Don't you travel with airlines which has baggage limits. But I am not showing any of my real emotions or asking any of the zillion questions my mind is generating. I just press the like button and comment on beautiful location and family.

Then there will be these Romeo Juliet couples ( here description of Romeo is different from the one currently being used in U.P.) As if pictures of family trips were not enough , they go on a trip sans kids. Where did you say you leave your kids? And then flooding the Facebook with all the pictures of ski diving, trekking, dancing as a couple, going on dinner date etc. It's not that I don't do things with my hubby. We do, most definitely do, like hmmm..., let me see, hmmm... yeah we fight together, yup we do that as a couple. I am happy for them (I am not that bad) but I feel sorry for my self. But my reaction doesn't show the true side of me.

That distant cousin whom I have never been fond of is my friend in virtual world. I "ooh" and "aah" at her posts. Give nice comments and wish on her birthday, and anniversary. Though while growing up, we never made an effort to like each other but in my virtual world there is no space for hard feelings. There are only friends.

The gathering I was so eagerly waiting for but never got an invitation, its pictures are staring from the wall of my Facebook. I feel like hurling choicest of abuses in my mother tongue but here I am pressing all the right smilies.

The amount of social activism I show on face book is commendable, whereas in real life I am neither a social person nor an active one ( both literally and figuratively).

Another thing which I do really well on social media is giving condolences. I can empathise with the grieving person, I can console him, write an eulogy for the deceased. But in real world, I don't do death really well. I want to say so many things to the grieving family but in such situations my salivary gland start secreting some fluid which is similar to adhesive because of which my tongue gets stuck and I cannot utter a single word. By the time I muster courage to pick up the phone and talk to the bereaved family, the death has already become a history.

Did I forget to tell you what irritates me most is lack of mutual likes. If I like your post and picture, you are morally and ethically obliged to do so for my updates. It's simple manners. Every like has an equal and opposite like. It's really offensive not to do so. What kind of legacy are you leaving behind.

And I am sure Facebook doesn't want to know "what's in my mind" or as a matter of fact in anyone's mind.

With nothing much to do and hours to kill, social media provides some solace. Getting connected to school friends, being in touch with family staying far off. Being a part of their life and in turn making them part of my life, its in fact quite useful and practical, if you know how to use it.

Problematic internet use leads to anti social behaviour, they say, I don't know, maybe they are right, but in my case it has led to a better behaviour (so what, if it's online only)something akin to version 2.0 of original me. In fact, I am envious of this better, calm, active, likeable persona of mine. And if nothing else comes out of it, one day, after being incessantly bombarded by posts which generate such shallow feelings, I will be able to rise above all this petty issues and realise that this all is nothing but illusion. (सब मिथ्या है)

Social media has perpetuated, extended and solidified itself in our life. It has become so in grained that any thought of disconnect seems scary and ludicrous. Sometimes I think of cutting myself completely from this but then I am sure I won't be able to survive it.

It might be considered hot bed for bad behaviour. As people continue to troll, abuse, wage a war on the net, not to forget ruthlessly assassinating spellings and grammar. I still think that it brings out best in me. So, till the time I am just a millimetre away from being a stalker or a sociopath, I am happy with this invasive media into my life. After all allure of the web is too much to ignore.

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