Mother envied her Daughter's diary...........
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|   Jan 07, 2016
Mother envied her Daughter's diary...........

Mira was in grade five when she had for the first time penned down her feelings on the last page of her Math book. The note that was drenched with tears said....

"Maa, I am sorry, I have got zero in Maths test. With what face should I tell you that your daughter is a failure. I am ashamed of myself, you are such a good teacher and your daughter is utter failure. You will be upset to know this and I can't see you upset Mummy. Please forgive me Maa, I will try harder next time. I really don't understand quadratic equations, but I will try my best. Please please please forgive me".

She soaked all her tears while writing this, she read and re-read till the time she fell into sleep. She never showed that note to her mother, but since then she developed a keen interest in writing down her feelings in diary. Mira, would always feel that confiding in diary is far safer than confiding in human beings as unlike human beings diary is non-judgmental. 
During Mira's school days, her mother was amused with her newly found interest in writing diary and hoped this would enhance Mira's linguistic skill.But in no time when Mira entered her college days, her mother's amusement turned into annoyance. Being mother, she always wanted to know what are Mira's deep down feelings, what she thinks, what is going on in her life. Many times she tried looking out for Mira's diary when she was away. But Mira would hide her treasured diary in the most secretive place, making  futile all her mother's spying attempt.
Mira's mother would get trapped in the battle between her heart and mind. The Mind would warn her sternly that reading someone's diary without their consent is unethical and the heart would fight back saying, do hell with your ethics, I am her mother and I need to know all her feelings, especially those that are secret ones.The never ending battle in her mother's mind would continue and she would end up in maintaining the  maturity that a grown up mother should have. After all she had read somewhere about the people's right to have their space. But mother envied her daughter's diary, after all, every mother yearns to become her daughter's closest confidant.But Mira had chosen diary over her mother.
Days fluttered with the fluttering of diary pages. Her mother would sometime hide and watch her daughter while she is busy writing her diary. At times she saw her her daughter crying , at times laughing and smiling. This would bring smile on her mother's face.But at times it also inflicted her mother's heart with the fear and she would then make all sorts of negative imagination.Mira was in the age now wherein every girl dreams of having a soul mate. Her mother would doubt, What if she already has a boyfriend? Nowadays, generation, feels that one who doesn't have an affair is not so cool,having an affair certifies that you are beautiful. So is her daughter too having an affair ? And, is it about her affairs that she is penning down in her diary? Is the boy good enough? Is he troubling her ? Are they going to marry in future? Ufffff, her mind would huddle with all kind of heart wrenching thoughts that a mother of young grown up beautiful girl can have. She would then quieten her mind and comfort her heart, reminding it that she has given her the best upbringing. Her daughter has now grown up as beautiful and thoughtful lady. Then why worry? Mother advises herself that all she need to do now as a mother is to have faith in her upbringing.

Finally the day comes when Mira's mother's worries about her daughter are put to rest. Her daughter finally finds the right match for herself. Mother was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. She was happy for her daughter, but her happiness was accompanied with the pain of separation.However, amidst of all these mixed feelings and wedding preparations, her mother completely forgets about her daughter's diary.

Then the day comes when her little angel bids adieu to everyone, to start her journey from being daughter to being daughter -in-law. Both mother and daughter hugged each other tightly, it was as if they were inseparable. With a heavy heart, mother releases her daughter from her bosom. Mother's heart  bleeds with the pain and she secretly prays to God of the time , to wait for a while, for little more time, she wanted to cuddle the apple of her eye.One more time , she wanted to caress her princess hair and one more time wanted to let her know how much her mother loves her. One more chance to re-live all those moments when she was harsh to her daughter because of her craziness of instilling in her daughter values and perfection. But the time has come now to say goodbye, and with a heavy heart she wishes her daughter a blissful life.

That night Mira's mother could not sleep, She enters her daughter's room to feel her presence, every corner of the room reminded her the sweet and sour moment of mother and daughter and yes diary of course. She looks at the table where Mira used to write her diary. She finds Mira's diary lying there. She opens it and this time the heart wins over the battle,she was missing Mira badly and all she wanted now was to feel her feelings. She turns the
page 1..

"Mom, you and dad are not sharing with me many things, but let me tell you mom, I am a grown up girl now and I understand, that time we are going through is rough. I loved the jeep that papa owned, for me it was a symbol of love between you and dad. Joy ride on jeep to Zoo was the most cherishing thing in my life, from back seat of jeep I loved watching you and dad ,how you both talked and teased each other,speaking through your eyes. Now that jeep has gone and you feel that sharing this with me will break my heart. I am sorry mom, I overheard talks between you and dad. But let me tell you mom, I am a strong girl, I loved Jeep, because it had a sentiments attached to it, the sweetest memories of it will always remain in my heart but I will not cry and lament over not having it, because I have you, papa and my dear little brother and as long as I have you all, I am always happy"
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" Papa has gone to bring maa's medical reports. From everyone's talks I feel it is something very serious.  I fear maa, am I going to losse you? Papa says, not to worry. but I can make out that he is in pain and there is something very serious.If at all anything happens to you I am going to wage a war against God. He cannot take away my mother,he cannot do this... Are you listening God, You cannot do this. And if at all You exist, then please protect my mom, protect my family , nothing else I wish and pray for. I can't live without them, please God, please help us"
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"Shanta, kanta,Ritu, Priya, Riya, every other girl you like maa. Why you compare me, are they good in what I am good? Am I comparing you with other mother's? Then why this comparison, I don't know to cook and to dust, but do you know how good I am in other things? How much I love you. I am jealous of all those girls out there Maa. I crave for your recognition. I look up-to you for assurance that I am doing well in my own ways. I don't want praises maa, all I need is little recognition that will immensely boost up my confidence. I know maa, that you are harsh at times with me for my goodness, to make me perfect human being. And I will try my best I promise Maa, to make you feel proud of having a daughter like me. All I am requesting  for now is do not compare me with others."
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"Today, again an argument happened with Mom, I give up Maa, Your daughter is incorrigible.You know Maa, I am a crazy, funny and unique character. You try not to get angry over me, but I am profound in bringing out your anger that you try hard to suppress.  But behind all those sour, sweet and spicy fights between you and me , I know there lies a love that is beyond infinity. And that is all that matters to me, love you Mommy :) 
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"Hey Mom, I know you are hiding at the door and watching me writing diary...hehehehe... Look at your expression Maa, Chill, you daughter is not having any boyfriend. Almost all my friends are in affair but for me it is you and dad who will find my soul mate."
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"Maa, tomorrow I will be gone, And you will feel all alone, and that time hope this diary finds you Maa, because I want to let you know about all my true and honest feelings. I confide in you my Maa, through my secret diary, here I am sharing with you every feelings. Maa, in this diary, you will find many moments when I was angry and upset with you, but I hope you will understand my love for you behind those feelings just how I have over the period understood your love behind your scoldings"

On the other hand, Mira was surrounded by new people in her life performing all post marriage rituals. Her mother's advice echoed in her mind, "love the new family as much as you love us". Yes, Mira vowed to herself, she will give all the love and care to her new family and make her mother feel proud of her daughter. But the pain of separation from her parents was tearing her apart. She wanted to hide in a corner and cry aloud but all she was suppose to do was to wear a smile and oblige to all the elders around. She could not hold her heart anymore, the moment she was alone, flood of tears flow, a whisper comes out from her heart, Maaaaaaaaaaa...Just then the phone rings. It was her mother's call, she wipes her tears and answers the call, All she could say was just Maaaaaaaaaaa...and the two souls distant apart, crying out their heart, cherishing the moment of togetherness, moment of closeness...





 

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