Emotional Blackmail- Can We All Plead Guilty For Once !!
|   Dec 20, 2016
Emotional Blackmail- Can We All Plead Guilty For Once !!

Abhi.. mumma will not love you, if you don’t keep your things in place…

Beta, you are not getting the gift if you don’t get good marks in the test...

Behave well or else I will leave you and go…

Eat or else you are not getting the sweets you asked for....

Does these words ring a bell? We all do, even though each of us know this very well that we just shouldn’t resort to this- Emotional Blackmail !! As I am penning down my thoughts, I am thinking how many times I have been guilty of doing this in spite of the fact that it wasn’t intentional at all, and I didn’t want to do it. But I did , I said more often than I should have and I do plead guilty for this horrendous crime. But, knowing this is bad, why I did it ? I probably have just one answer to this- it was easy to make things happen with this… !! Yeah, in a way I was perhaps trying to make my parenting job easy by emotionally blackmailing them with dollops of fear, anxiety, anxiousness and an amazing example of bad behavior and more so, a piece of horrible parenting.

Let me be honest, I was actually jolly good happy with this. It worked and works amazingly in my favor you see. But, the other day while playing with her friend my 5 year old daughter said, “ Give me your doll or else I will not give you the chocolate you like Navya. And, I will not be your best friend also. I will find another friend”. I shrieked, and lamented quite literally, “ Riya, what the heck...why are you blackmailing Navya? This is gross, she is your friend, and you are emotionally blackmailing her to have her doll...how bad is this !! Riya looked at me as if I asked not to date her new found boyfriend. Tears rolled down and she started crying with all the possible histrionics she had in her kitty. The playing session was immediately suspended and Navya went back home. After few minutes, I tried talking out to my girl and said, Riyu my darling, you should never say this. Ask for what you want but never put condition, that’s really a bad thing to say...you are actually hurting her ! With a ‘don’t cry bribe’ in hand she replied, “mumma… but this is what you always do….Riya eat or else I will not give you this….Behave or mumma will not take you to the park… you know I feel so bad!!! I heard her and gaped at her….speechless….dumbfound !!

I realized that yet again I made a horrendous parenting mistake. I never knew it will harm a small mind so gravely… I mean I knew but may be I didn’t pay any heed to the fact that it can go down to that level of severity. I regret ! It did make my job easier, and somewhere I was happy that I was able to discipline them, but at what cost? Emotional security is completely at stake when we do such stuff, I told myself. Small children, who are able to express their feelings seldom end up being the victim of emotional turmoil. Today, as I pen my thoughts down, I really feel bad for what I said or did. I wonder what my kids went through when I said something that hurt them. Did it shake their faith in me, did they think everything in this world is conditional, or they thought that perhaps making someone happy is probably the toughest job ever...what...I wonder in despair !!

Parenting is difficult, and at this age when there is so much uncertainly around, I think emotionally stability in kids is a virtue. And, even after knowing this, I ended up being absolutely wicked. I believe, there would be moms who have never done it, and for them I have only one word- ‘BRAVO’ !!

For me, that day was the end of the tale of emotional blackmailing. Even though I plead guilty of the crime, I did promise myself that it’s never gonna happen again ever…. ! My world around my children must be unconditional. And, least what I can give them is the emotional security that will later anchor them against the tough tides. I hope I keep my promise for the rest of the life...Amen !!

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