The disciplined freak VS the messy nomad
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|   Nov 22, 2016
The disciplined freak VS the messy nomad

It was the one hundredth and thirty seventh time in this month that I had told my husband to organize his wardrobe. And one hundredth and thirty seventh time he had totally forgotten it and spent the Saturday doing his favorite things – sleeping, watching cricket, iPhoning and cracking bad jokes. Finally going against my own resolve and vows of not touching his wardrobe ever again, I spent two hours folding, segregating, cleaning and arranging his clothes in a way which is decent enough but also easy for the husband to maintain a little longer than his monthly average of 5 days. For the entire time I was doing this, I cursed my “wife gene” who in spite of feeling utmost resentment, continued doing what was “morally right”. And I thought the husbands the world over always take undue advantage of this “wife Gene” to avoid the boring tasks they don’t want to do.

After a day when my frustration was gone and I could think a little better, I thought I was a little too hard on my husband for a thing that was so important to me – NOT TO HIM. Why should I expect him to be as organized as me? Does the way he keeps his things affects how much he loves me ?? Sad that this did not occur to me earlier and I spent a couple of hours seething.

The truth is, the world over – one spouse will always be this organized, disciplined and cleanliness freak who would expect the other – a messy nomad types - to be the same. And mind you – this is not a Wife VS the Husband thing. I have seen many women who are disorganized and messy as hell having completely obsessive and compulsive husbands and yet as a couple they are doing great. But when two people with completely opposite styles of living share the bedroom and bathroom for the entire life, it is bound to create a major conflict once in a while.

Consider for examples

  • The husband leaves the bathroom completely wet with dirty hair, foam and cosmetics spread all across the floor after his bath. The wife freaks out and strangely – the husband doesn’t even notice it.
  • The husband opens the wife’s wardrobe and a bunch of clothes including a saree, a couple of kurtas, dirty lingerie, a towel and a sanitary napkin falls straight on his face. The husband swears all the “F” words and the wife says – its none of his business how I keep my wardrobe.
  • Some guests come home and all they can see is a total messy hall with newspapers, half eaten plates, pillows and children’s toys spread all over. The wife is embarrassed about what the guests will think and the husband is upset that he will miss the remaining cricket match.
  • The dirt on the table can ruin the wife’s day and the husband would not even notice it.
  • The cockroach in the kitchen can freak out the husband while for the wife – it’s nothing to worry about.
  • From who would clean the bathrooms to who would clear the “makdee ke jaale”, the way to squeeze the toothpaste and the way to tuck the bed sheets, everything can be a point of argument based on the temperament of both the parties.

The point to think is – is it a make or break point in a marriage?

Cleanliness, hygiene, organization and planning of tasks, etc are a vital part of one’s life because they directly affect the quality of living. In fact they are also very important for maintaining good health and induce the importance of discipline in children. And it is imperative that the couples empathize and accommodate the habits and styles of their spouses - even if they are diagonally opposite to their own. If you stretch it too much – it is bound to break. Rather than blaming the other person for failing to maintain a standard, think if it’s really important than your mental well being.

For partners (men women alike) who are a little more obsessed about cleanliness/organization/hygiene -

  • Think what is more important - your mental wellbeing or the physical wellbeing of the house. Of course this is a subjective matter where at times like festivals and social occasions – the house should be really prim and proper. So based on the situation, decide and act.
  • Don’t just expect, don’t nag. Voice your opinion and how you feel about certain habits and things. Your spouse should know that the way he/she spills food on the table is a major turn off for you – because he/she might not even notice it and you might spend hours spoiling your mood.
  • Some things about personal sensitization, cleanliness and cooking hygiene are a basic requirement. No excuses there. If your spouse is faltering on these aspects, take strict measures to stop it.
  • Either you do the task your way or your spouse does it his/her way. You cannot ask your spouse to arrange the wardrobe and then expect it to be done the way you want. One has to be that accommodating.
  • Try dividing the tasks or better outsource them to a maid/housekeeping agency and then take it out of your mind. Don’t fret about the way the tasks are being done. Think that you have done the best you could.
  • Keep in mind that some habits should come from within – they cannot be forced. And if some routine of the partner is not actually harmful – apart from being plain irritating – it can be definitely ignored.
  • Finally, a little mess is ok. It adds liveliness and a natural feel to your living. Remember, it is your real home – nothing like they show in the TV serials where you have a flower vase in the bathroom.

 

Mind you, I have gone through seven agonizing years before realizing, accepting and writing about this fact. I don’t want to waste any more of my quality time worrying about folding the dried clothes and making each of the pots spotless clean. I want to lie down in my bed and read. But before I do that, can I just tuck the bedsheet my way ?? !!!

 

 

 

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