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It's absolutely easy to advice parents on various topics like inculcations of good behaviours, basic etequettes and various eating patterns. However, there is no rule book nor any video cd's available anywhere in the world that can teach you ' how to raise your kids'!
Kids are not born with manuals and parents don't get grades to affirm they're doing well😀. The little talks with kids, help us overcome the complexities of parenthood, offering unusual insights and hard won advice.
I'm sure we keep getting unpteen advices from our elders and well experienced people every now and then. Below are certain points I'm jotting down to share my views and ways to instill bwautiful ll you wonderful mum's. ..
* Spending quality time : Time is the most wonderful bonding factor. Ladies, you had almost died on your OT's while getting these munchkins out, come on .. you deserve the best of time together. Always encourage your kids to spend some time "quality time" with the family. And for that to happen, you have to first give them their own time. Mother's are all rounders, they complete all their work on time and take out good time for their babies, their kids and even their grown up teens. You have to make sure first,that your time is not replaced by toys, expensive presents and several outings.. Spending quality time comprises of your own sweet time with your child, make him learn things,play around with them, cuddle them up, run around and make it fun and enjoyable for them. Similarly, when they grow, you must see that they spend a part of their days time with you and the family. Like having at least one meal together, talking and discussing things (instead of being engrossed in the tv), sharing your experiences and listening to their issues. The more you talk to your kids today, the stronger will be the bonding, and this will be in them for a lifetime.
* Etiquettes : These are the basis of judging a person to a very large extent. Your manners are the foundations of a great life and lovely future. Respecting elders, loving kids and being amicable with people around are great habits. Sharing and caring are very important in life. In the urge to earn handsomely and being subjected to our busy routines many of us forget to instill these essentials in our kids. I was at my society's park the week before this and what I saw there just shook me. My toddler was also with me and we were both having fun with the swings and slides around us. There was this 4 year old boy who wanted to slide the other way round. ( he wanted to run up the slide and come with his head down). His mom kept reminding and scolding him but that barely had any impact on his playing. She insisted on going home now as it had been an hour or so but he refused plainly. Now she was frustrated and said " you can play alone, I'm going home". I thought he might run upto his mom and go with her but this was a spoilt brat. To my surprise,he used the most abusive word for his mom! I feel ashamed even thinking of it. When she heard, she just casually said " no beta, you should not say this to mumma". It hit me so hard, I wanted to go and ask him the meaning of what he just said and slap him hardly. .. But what could I do, I had seen them for the 1st time and this was none of my business!
Manier times, out of love we forget the mistakes our children make in their growing years.. we get blinded by the love most of the time but this way we're responsible for their wrong doings. Such kids if not handled properly and timely can go the wrong way! You must always, inculcate manners and good habits in them at any cost.
* Telling the truth : We keep saying ' one should always tell the truth, God is watching' etc.. But how much of it do we follow? Each one of us lie on a everyday basis without feeling guilty about it. Quite often the tiny issues become colossal one's with our lies. The best and easiest way to instill this habit in our kids is " to follow it ourselves first". I have a little story to share here .. Myra, a 7 year old had her winter vacations and was planning to go to her daadis house this time. But her mom (Veena) had other plans, she wanted to visit Myra' s naani badly. On asking her hubby, Veena decided to take Myra to her naani house. When Myra' s daadi called them to check for their plans, Veena very affirmatively said " this time we will not come as Varun has important work at office". Her mom in law was disheartened on hearing this but there was not much she could do. Veena on the other hand,asked Myra to start her packing as they would go to naani house. Veena thought she had easily escaped but little Myra overheard their conversation and asked "Mom, what made you lie to daadi? Lying is not good!".Veena was dumbstruck! She could not utter a word, she was embarrassed to hell. What has she done and what example was she setting? She had landed in a complication and could not justify her lie. She said sorry to her little princess and promised that she would never repeat this ever.
Veena took a correct decision but how many of us would do so? Hence it's extremely essential to encourage your kids to speak the truth and for that you have to set the benchmark 😊😊
* Encouragement to take up challenges : Challenges are a part of us and our lives. If they were not there, life would be dull and boring. From a toddler to a teenage to an old one, each of them have their own struggles and issues. It's really good to encourage your kids to take up challenges and fight them. I can recall, when I first took my toddler to a park nearby, he was very shy and skeptical to get on it. He thought it's just beyond his reach but I encouraged him to get on top his own and slide down. He fell 3 times and luckily I caught him timely but the 4th time he went on to it on his own. I cannot describe in words how i felt that time. My constant encouragement, like " get on it, u can do it.. look, bhaiya is also doing on his own... All this had an impact on him which made him try it and he succeeded. As a mom, you have to make your heart a little strong but when you see the results, it's overwhelming 😊😊. Determination is a value, you have to instill at a very young age and the easiest way to do this is ' avoid excessive praise and give your kids honest and gentle feedbacks/ suggestions'.
A very powerful way to encourage kids is, to always support them and be by their side. Eg: if you have a super shy kid, quietly push and encourage him/her to mix up with other kids, play with them, be with them and help them talk out. And when they do open up with others, always congratulate them. This recognition will bolster them and keep them highly determined.
* Be considerate : Feelings are something that the child is yet to learn. To respond with love and respect is superbly important. Yes, there is an appropriate age for this, they have to understand it timely. The other day, when I went shopping to a mall, a little girls tantrum taught me to be strict. She was an excellent eg of being stubborn. She wanted to buy a barbie house for herself but her dad was seemingly uninterested. That house was worth 10,000Rs. Her mom agreed to take it but the final word was from her dad. The girl was barely a 5 year old. When her father refused to buy it,that girl straightaway slapped him and it was really hard !!!! This was alarming for everyone present there. Some people started to talk amongst themselves others laughed out and many were left shocked. The father just took his daughter and said" baby,you already have a house for your doll.. what will you do with another one?. Both the parents seemed very casual with her behaviour. They were not realising what they were infuriating their child with, this way the child would never know where to draw the line.
They were doing a grave mistake. The girl was very inconsiderate. I know a 5 year is a small age for her to understand, but that surely does not mean she can slap her father. We think kids will be smart with time, but the wrongs you allow today will become colossal mistakes tomorrow. Teaching your kids to be thoughtful, kindhearted and giving is very essential.
* Generous with affection : We as parents, think our kids have all the generosity and love in them. But my friends, that comes only when feelings are reciprocated! What they see is what they learn!!. Let your child see your demonstration of love and generosity. Be helpful toward people who are esp not blessed with the basics in life. Be humble and modest. Give them a hug for no reason, forget their little mistakes, offer to give surprises and take them out for unplanned outing. Never let your hassled up day squeeze loving gestures out of your day.
I can assure you, the more positive words you use, the double of it comes your way. More the love, hugs and kisses .. more is the happiness in your house.
From my little personal experience, when a child starts that freedom of expression value, that we instill in them is the greatest value of all. There is no better feeling in the universe than seeing your child inculcated with the beautiful gestures of life.