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Do you make a conscious effort to cuddle the older child?
I never thought I can love some one more than my daughter! She meant the world to me. My second bundle of joy was born. In a day, my first born lil princess looked big to us!
Before my boy arrived, I thought she was too small to eat on her own, I thought she can't comb her hair, She can't buckle her shoes! But all of a sudden she was expected to do all this with out me, now that she is a big girl!
For obvious reasons, everyone's attention was on the baby, I don't know how my daughter felt, but I could see that including my parents, all of us were making a conscious effort to make her feel happy, comfortable and loved. Shouldn't it be an involuntary act?
My friend who visited me, told that "the girl is your first baby and this lil one will not know anything for some time so it's ok to love her more." I thank her.
Like every mother, I love my children equally but there are instances where the smaller child needs my help more. I have to ask the older one to wait. She doesn't like it. I try and take turns but sometimes the younger one is unreasonable and to quieten him I have to quieten her. The little ones are devilish! (I think this is when the older ones become attached to their dad, irrespective of the gender).
I was once refereeing between my kids and my dad told me, "the older one was so much loved and cared without him... Now see...." I was taken aback, I told him "the girl at least had five years of exclusive love but what about him? He will always have to share!"
I want to spend some time with the older one other than studies... But seldom happens.... 24hrs is not enough...! Most of the time I see myself policing, correcting, advising, scolding, reprimanding...I have to make a conscious effort to cuddle her, kiss her, hug her, play with her..... But I do make that effort.
All mothers have to actually juggle between their children....and what ever we do there are still certain things that the children remember for life that "amma/Appa didn't do this to me, but did it for bhaiya! "
How to see to that the children don't develop sibling rivalry? (I have asked a lot of kids in the apartment, most of them told me that they wished they didn't have a sibling)! To strike a balance is very difficult, you have to dilly dally all the time.... From who gets the first cookie in the house to who's favourite food is being cooked, who's favourite movie to watch, who finished the home work first.....
If you observe, the second born children are more independent and confident, as we stop pampering, the first borns are responsible and obedient as we want them to be.
Best of luck to all the mommys who can be honoured as the chief justice of homes!