Imagine if every day of your life began with the anxiety of untreated depression. Imagine the feeling of constant frustration and the everlasting loneliness of a disease you are unaware about. I had seen my father try to live a happy normal life and succeed in his daily endeavours and maintain a relationship.
My parents shared a warm and loving relation, giving me and my brother all the love, care ad protection which parents give.
My mother, was a simple women who loved to be at home & taking care of her husband & kids. She was like “the best mom “which every child can get. My father dotted on his family & struggled day & night, so that he can give a contented life.
I remember, when I was about 14 yrs. old, one day my father came with a pale face. My mother could not understand his plight &when she questioned him, she had to face his wrath as days passed on, our peaceful home converted to a battlefield. Each day my father’s anger increased and his self- control became non-existent. My mother silently wept at the cooking counter She & her children constantly found themselves being held responsible for something for which they were not part of. Sometimes we felt like cursing him for the treatment he meted out to us.
My father passed away 2 weeks before my 16th birthday. My mother kept looking at his tired face and tears silently moistened her cheeks. She looked so tired & old in these 2 years. She handed over a letter to me, which had my father’s handwriting. I silently read.
To My Sweetheart and my Beautiful Children,
I know that I have been extremely harsh and intolerable in these two years. The day I was diagnosed with cancer, my world crashed in front of my eyes. I felt helpless and I could see the eternal struggle I have to undergo now. I wish I had more time, to love you all and thank your mother for her patience. I could not gather the courage to tell you all about the agony I was undergoing. I know you all would support me, but the dejection of you faces would have made my end more near. I want you all to forgive me and remember me as a caring husband and a good father. I have rest assured made most, to make your lives comfortable. I want you all to face the life with positivity and courage, which I lacked during my illness.
I wish, I could understand his state of mind. I wish we could have figured out what changed his attitude. I wish I could hold his hand during his agonising period of struggling battle with his disease.