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Having our kids was without a doubt, the greatest adjustment that my husband and I faced as a couple. I mean of course, our world was rocked (literally and figuratively!). From being a couple who worked hard over the week and partied harder over the weekends, we were surprisingly clueless when it came to understanding just HOW MUCH exactly our relationship would change once we had kids.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we went into this parenting gig completely clueless. On a practical level, we put as much effort as we possibly could in preparation for our babies. But all the planning, help and support in the world did not prepare us for the lack of time, the lack of sleep and the absolutely vicious hormonal chemistry of brand new parenthood.
The transition from coupledom to hum do-humaare do was exciting, exhilarating and wonderful, and simultaneously also exhausting, exasperating and worrisome- a combination that was the antithesis to the romantic relationship that brought us together in the first place.
In retrospect, I wish I had known just how much exactly our lives would change, and how little time we would get for each other. My boys will turn three next month, and it doesn’t look like time is going to become our friend anytime soon. I wish someone had told me this, so I could do more of these things that I used to love doing with my husband before we had kids:-
1) Go out for dinner dates- My husband and I, we’re real foodies. We loved experimenting with different cuisines, and our quest to find the best food in town had taken us to some amazing places all across the city. We’d just chill, relax, catch up with each other’s work lives, and of course, enjoy the awesome food. We’d talk about life goals, our parents, books we were reading, etc. We do go out now, but not frequently and I’m usually too stressed out most of the time about the kids to really let go and enjoy myself. I miss those long conversations with my husband; I should have done that more when it was just the two of us!
2) Hang out with friends- Our friends are all of the same age, but difference lies in the fact that they all had kids way before we did ( yep, we waited five years before we took the plunge into parenthood!). However, we’d manage to catch up with each other at least a couple of times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. Now with our twins in the equation as well, it’s practically impossible!
Once in a while we do catch up with them, but it’s only if we’re meeting in someone’s house, because there’s no way I’d take my twinsters, adorable as they are, out with friends. I’d just be constantly running behind them ALL THE TIME, and that’s fun at home but definitely not outside!
3) Watch movies- This one I miss the most, and although I did watch A LOT of movies all through my pregnancy, there was still room for lots more! Before kids, we’d watch movies EVERY weekend. Sometimes even one or two during the week, so to severely restrict myself to just about two movies a month was very hard! I’m a big Bollywood fan, and wished I had spent more time watching more movies with my husband before, our hands clasped firmly together, just enjoying being together.
4) More Sunday Siestas- The highlight of my weekends used to be our Sunday naps (we were both working on Saturdays). Our long Sunday naps, just curled up next to each other have flown out of the window after the arrival of our kids. This is definitely something I miss doing, and I wish I had done it more before our little ones were born! There’s something relaxing about taking a nap with your husband in the middle of the day!
5) Enjoying lazy days and nights- Reading books, watching TV, just sitting around with each other and doing whatever we want is just NOT POSSIBLE with kids around. Where were we going to find the opportunity to be sitting on the couch for hours together, hogging the TV remote whilst our kids were running around? I wish I’d done more of this with my husband before.
Of course, having kids was the best decision we ever made. Our children make us laugh, smile and worry like we never had before, but it brings us closer together, just not in the same way as before. There are ups and downs, but something about the miracle of having created these two incredibly perfect lives together has bonded us in a whole new, incredibly exciting way. Just not in the same way as before though. We have less time for each other, but we’ve got each other’s backs and that’s all the matters.
People become parents when they have children; they don't become different people. All those things we love about each other - and all our flaws - are still there, and now there are two incredible kids too. That’s what makes my family perfect!