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Flashback 10th August 2012. And that’s when the battle between the Woman in Me and the Mom in Me started.
Two pink lines on the stick confirmed my pregnancy. I was over the moon, excited, joyous, happy, yet terrified. The woman in me was crying, overtaken by the mass of emotions that had suddenly hit her, but the mom in me was howling in delight.
And then began my journey, of vacillating between the two words, which indeed seemed to specify diverse worlds. In nine short months, my life changed forever. I became a mom; I became responsible for the lives of two other humans, however tiny they may be. (They sure weren’t going to stay that way forever!)
The woman in me was fighting a losing battle at losing herself amidst the mommy emotions, but the mom in me was rejoicing at the twists and turns that life was bringing her every day, in the antics of her twin boys.
The woman in me cried as I gave birth to my angels, held them for the first time and overwhelmed with the realization that they depended on me for their nourishment, cried some more. The mom in me felt so deeply moved and attached to the babies who had popped out of her. Giddy with excitement and glee, I shared the happiness with my kids, whether they realized it or no.
The woman in me wanted that last piece of chocolate cake, but the mom in me saw her boys drool over it and make “mmmmm yummmyyy” noises. So the mom in me gave it up to them, to fill up their little tummies as the following contented gurgles filled up my heart.
The woman in me screamed in anguish when her kids pulled her hair, scratched at her face with those claw like fingernails that they refused to get cut and bit on her nipples when feeding, but the mom in me bore it all with a silent internal struggle, knowing it was a part and parcel of her boys growing up, content that they were meeting their developmental milestones.
The woman in me craved a decent nights’ sleep (or even few hours of uninterrupted bliss!) and indeed could barely keep her eyes open as she lulled you to sleep, singing “Lala Lala Lori” and “Rock a Bye Baby”. But the mom in me would watch in awe at her boys sleeping, all her exhaustion gone as she marvelled at these perfect cherubs whom she had given birth to. She would feel her heart would explode at the unconditional love than she ever thought possible, despite her fatigued body.
The woman in me craved some me-time. But the mom in me couldn’t figure out what to do with her me-time and start missing her boys the moment someone took over to give her a break!
The woman in me wanted to go on a date with her husband, so that she could get some up close and personal time with him. But the mom in me could happily give that up to watch him in action, exhilarated as he expertly changed diapers, swaddled the babies, played peek-a-boo with them and just cuddled with them on the couch, the perfect father that he is!
The woman in me knows that technically, you should be wary of crying in front of children and not scare them at all. But the mom in me realizes that this is not always possible. She knows now that it’s ok for her kids to see her sad and scared sometimes, as long as she constantly assures them that they will be OK, and she will do her best in keeping them safe and secure and happy always.
It’s now 2016, and the emotions in me have remained absolutely the same. With one small difference.
The Woman in Me has reconciled to the Mom in Me. They cease to be different, and now work together to make me who I am, a strong, confident, sometimes sad, mostly happy 21st century mommy.
Both realize that there is no pain worse than seeing your child cry, no sound worse than those of the kids’ sobs and no sight as horrible as the tear drenched face of the boys. They do all they possibly can to comfort them, when in fact their hearts themselves are shattering into a million pieces to see their kids cry.
The Woman in Me and the Mom in Me come second, always. Because first position is always taken by the boys. Their food, their sleep, their joy, their peace. Everything else is secondary. Kids are at the forefront, always and forever.
The Woman in Me has now become the Mom in Me, and very proudly so. Even though she has multiple facets to her personality- daughter, sister, wife, employee, boss, homemaker- it’s the “mother” aspect which is what defines and completes her.
The Mom in Me knows she has signed up for the toughest job in the Universe that of raising responsible kids, and this is bound to push her to her limits sometimes. But it’s the lessons learnt as a woman, those of crying, hurting, trying, failing, working and learning which will pull her through these tough times.
The Woman in Me experiences joy, of the kind that she never thought possible, as she identifies as the Mom in Me. She experiences love that she did not know she was capable of giving or receiving.
The Woman in Me bows to the Mom in Me, and vows to work together with her to make their lives easier and make it all worth it for themselves and their lifelines, their kids.
Happy Women’s Day lovely ladies!
“God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”― David C. Gross,