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You are important, and you should never forget it. If any time you feel depressed, low, sad, when you feel that everything has gone bad and nothing will ever be right, when you fail to remember how important you're, come to me and I'll tell you a story of two people who later in life were lucky enough to be your parents and you will realise how important you were even when you were "not being planned".
Your father and I were 31 and 28 respectively when we tied the knot and we(just me in reality) were already warned about our biological clock being ticked. We(again just me) had been told that there is nothing more fulfilling in a woman's life than being a mum, how empty my life would be if the time will pass, how not important my career is in comparison to the honour of motherhood and even(with the right amount of audacity) that the sole ambition of mine should be procreating as that is what a woman is meant to be.
Now coming to your father and me, you must know by now that we love kids irrespective of their biological origin, race, gender and age, we simply love the idea of a kid. You have also seen how close we're to all of your cousins, in-fact we always told you that you're not our first child as your cousins came in our life a lot before than you. We both could spend hours without being bored or tired or frustrated with any kid, and this I am telling you with experience, because a lot before we had you we were called the backup parents of all your cousins. Seriously!! all of them. We even had those pacts(you may call them pinky swear if you please) that if anything ever happened to any of the parent, me and your father would raise the child as our own. You must be wondering why am I telling you this long story, what is the significance of our love for kids with your importance? Well, don't you think that after so much love for kids, we would have jumped into parenthood immediately after getting married? We must want one of our own offspring to love, to cuddle, to play. I mean that's what everybody thought would happen, that's what everyone wanted to happen. Then why? why we didn't had you right away? why we waited long even when we were already running out of time? why we(me first hand and your father via a frustrated self of mine) heard those direct and indirect judgements on our lifestyle, our choices, our selfishness.
Because you were too important to us, and we wanted to have you because we wished and not because we must. We discussed your possibility from day one of our marriage, but having you was the decision we took enough time taking. We could have given you a "rich life" anytime, but we wanted to give you a "quality life". Every time we talked about you, our eyes twinkled with happiness, our chest puffed and our heart overwhelmed. The idea of having you in our life was the most desired and yet it scared us the most. Would we be able to give you a secured life until you're self reliant ? would we be able to raise you into a responsible human being?, would we be able to understand your feeble cries of pain when you'd be too young to speak, and the pain in your heart when you can speak but don't want to because you think we won't understand? What would we be to you, parents or friends? If we choose to be parents we might never understand you beyond your grades and academic excellence, and if we choose to be your friends we might loose the edge that's needed to help you shape your future. And even if we choose a role, would you accept us? Would you forgive us if your father cannot attend your school function because he is busy providing for his family? Would you understand when your mother would ground you for misbehaving? Would you realise that from the day the news of your arrival reached your parent's ear, you became the centre of their universe, and that even if they were well above their 30s they too started being a parent as you started your life, from day 0, and as parents would always be as old as you will be? What future we would give you? are we even capable of giving you a future? In a world where corruption, terrorism, poverty, over population, pollution has encroached everyday life is it even viable to have you? Why should we bring you to the world and put you through everything? And when the world is filled with so many orphan child who need love why should we plan our biological child instead of adopting one love deprived baby soul? And what about our own dreams? Your father and I wanted to travel the world as much as possible, we wanted to see at least 100 countries in our life time. I wanted to read as many books as I can, learn to cook as many cuisines as possible and start my own restaurant specialised in best recipes around the world. Your father and I never looked at parenthood as a sacrifice, it was always a choice for us which would alter our life to it's core, and we wanted to make sure that we're up to it before we had you.
Do you understand how many late night discussions we must have had for years, before we had you? How many days, weeks, months and years we spent "not planning you" and still planning you? Do you realise that having you was a decision that changed all of our life including yours in the best possible way? Do you realise that from day one of your arrival we have been working constantly without a break at being a better parent? Did you notice that we loved you even at your worst and decided never to judge your decisions? Do you realise that you and only you gave your father and mother the only joint identity they have and cherish: your parents? Do you remember we celebrated with you, we cried with you, studied with you and slept with you? If you do then how can you question your importance in this world? Why are you full of doubts about your self, when your parents have spent their life telling you that you're the centre of this universe they call life. When you look at that knife, or at that ceiling fan, or that bottle of poison or that railway track, why can't you once think about your importance in our life. You might have failed an exam, screwed the interview for your dream job, lost a job or got your heart broken, but why can't you think that you can overcome every hurdle life is throwing at you because you're important enough to live this life and make this world a better place. Getting up is the only option after falling down. So buckle up and face it, for if you decided to end your life, you'll end two more with you. Your parents were born with you, and they sure will die with you. Save us if you can't save yourself, because even if you're not important enough for yourself you will always be most important for us. Never forget it. Let me be selfish enough to say, please never put us through it child, we will not survive.
PC - www.findingthegracewithin.com