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When a child is born, a mother is born! (and suddenly guilt is born out of nowhere)
No, I'm not speaking about post partum depression,but the guilt we carry(You know)!
Am I breast feeding the child properly? Is my child really fully fed?Is he/she healthy?Am I doing a mistake by bottlefeeding my dearest child?Is he/she getting all the nutrients?Do I really need to take my child for these many vaccinations?on and on and on. We have so many questions once we become a mother.While It is so natural that suddenly we feel over protective and we want to fully nourish our child which makes us ask so many questions on this topic,It is also to some extent exaggerated.
When we ask so many questions (reason might be genuine care), we gradually start second guessing everything.I have experienced this personally. 5 yrs back, If you had seen me, I would not care if the biscuits had expired or what it is made of,i will simply eat them if I'm hungry.But now, I want to know everything about the biscuit and sometimes I dont want to buy but only make them myself because MY CHILD is eating that. She is so so precious that I want her to be safe,protected and well nourished.
Leave biscuits,slowly this questioning goes into everything.
If you are a working mom - Am I making a bad decision by leaving my child home and not being with him/her every minute?Do I need to take a career break or may be quit working so that I can be fully with my child?Am I missing the firsts?(developmental milestones)Am I missing her childhood moments?Basically...Am I not giving her enough time?
If you are a stay at home - Am I losing the' me ' time that working moms manage to get? Am I saving/making enough money for my child's education/other expenses?Am I spoiling my child too much by being with my her all the time??on and on...
These questions we dont ask out loud. We dont ask them all the time. We do enjoy our time with the baby,the ups and downs of motherhood and we know its truly a blessing.But when we ask these questions,we ask them sub consciously.we ask them ourselves.This can have an impact on long run - a simple self doubt can damage our decision making skill reducing our self confidence in turn.what were you before you got married? a happy go lucky girl!? A girl who was free,happy,confident and independent?what was your strength then?-Your decisions.
You had decided not to care what others think/say and to be happy. You had decided you should spend/not spend on food,clothes and cosmetics. Since the decisons were all based out on what you want/dont want,it was easier. Now,its what your child wants and the decisions are not that easier. You can work on this and manage if you are not emotional or attach yourself too much to mothering role.In a way,motherhood is an awesome opportunity for self growth- you make mistakes , you learn and you grow...You can enrich your decision making skill provided you look at the point without any attachment.
Whenever you are feeling guilty,remind yourself - yes I'm her mother,but I'm not responsible for each and everything that happens to her. If your child is sick at home and you cannot go home soon because of that important meeting in your office,dont blame youself for not being a better mom and not being with the child. Do what needs to be done to the child. once she is back to normal,she will start playing.But the blame you created for yourself will keep growing somehow in your subconscious mind.
When she grows up and looks up to you for an inspiration, you will be passing self doubt to her without your knowledge.
People around you will keep judging. It hurts if you are not appreciated. But thats a feeling you can create it for yourself - self appreciation and self talk helps.Encourage yourself and be more with people who have positive energy.You are not alone.Every mom friend of yours understands you.You are a wonderful super mom and you are an amazing human being :)
Be kind with yourself:)sending lots of love to you<3