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"I'm happy for you".
You have heard this. a lot. When you won a match, when you passed with flying colors, when you got married, when you had a kid, when you landed on a new job and so many occasions. But how many times you felt there is a pinch of jealousy in that? or may be only jealousy( considering how fake some people can go).
You have said this a lot as well to so many people. Speaking authentically, how many times you have said and then sighed because you felt like someone just stole your dream. You worked so hard for that and your colleague just received the appreciation effortlessly. Didn't that happen?
During ancient times, when human beings evolved, there were bigger and tougher competitors for the same food supply. The main goal was existence and survival. It is so natural that human beings are designed to be self centered. We always want something for ourselves first. To be happy for others is next thing.
We, as human beings are supposed to experience all kinds of emotions. This includes jealousy as well. Looking back, I must definitely agree there have been times in my teens when I was not really happy for my best friend also. I have always felt low on someone's success then. It was only during my late teens and early twenties,I realized my stupidity. When my best friend and I chose different interests, there was no more competition.That's when it hit me - there is no need for a competition and all our journeys are so different.
When I looked closely, I noticed we cannot be happy for people who share same goal as ours but we can be happy for others .You might have noticed how our relatives get jealous thinking we are making more money, we have a loving partner , we have a peaceful life all that! But the same person will be so happy for a celebrity (he had not known) and not for you (who he knows so well). This could be because they too wanted a loving partner (like you have) and a peaceful life (like yours) and importantly, they want all the people in their lives to be equal as them(or lower to them) in all ways. Let us face this, its not going to happen or you can say world is not designed that way. Do we have an answer for why our life is better than a syrian refugee's life? Do you think its because we deserve it? No ! Its given!
I'm no advise cat. But being genuinely happy for people around me for a decade now, I'm sharing you the lessons I have learnt because you could be another me!
1. It is a good choice to be happy for others : When someone shares their joyful moments with you, you have two choices : get jealous or get inspired! Imagine you have been trying to crack a tough competitive exam. Your junior has cracked it in the first attempt when its already your third attempt and you have not made it. A human's first genuine response is : Why not me!? What this can do to you is distance yourself from that person so that you don't feel you are a failure! But lets look at this way, you have now got someone to discuss and get some tips. They will be happy to share because you are no more a competitor to them. Its a win - win.
2. How media tricks your mind : Not only success, sometimes its looks. We always tend to think how beautiful we would have been with a flawless skin , a slimmer waistline, dense hair and what not. You know where it came from? Look around. All around you, you are made to feel that you are just a tiny step away from getting the perfect skin by using this cream or that lotion. You are made to ask yourself how stressed you are and made to feel that you need a spa! You are made to feel being slim is being beautiful and in turn being happy. Hell no! You are already flawless..all that is pure marketing and nothing much. why do i tell you this now? You have no need to feel bad about yourself when your neighbour looks stunning at 40 !You can be happy for her... say wow and stay happy !
3. It is a good sign : When someone comes to you and shares with you on how excited they are about their first pregnancy, you can be genuinely happy and get excited too ( even if you are trying to start a family for a couple of years now). This is because its a good sign. Its a good sign you are attracting positive energy from the universe !!
4. It is a two way road : When you envy, you develop hatred around you. You will have more fake people around you and the opportunity for growing as a human becomes zero. Its all drama! Contrary to that, When you are genuinely happy for others, they will be happy for you too. This makes everyone in your circle happy. This makes your environment happy and makes you grow !
5. How you want to be remembered at the end of your life? Not all famous personalities who have lead a successful life lived peacefully. You never know how their mind looked like! We are all not famous people. We only have a close circle of people who will remember us at the end of our life. But in what way? As a person who lived in scarcity (feeling of not being good enough), self pity and complaints or a person filled with abundant love and happiness! The choice is yours :)
Just when I finish writing this, Someone somewhere just delivered a new born, someone somewhere have just fallen in love, and someone somewhere have just started accepting herself as a beautiful woman in spite of all the flaws(she thought she had) - I'm GENUINELY happy for you all!