Boys will be Boys
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|   May 06, 2016
Boys will be Boys

So I'm a feminist! Surprise surprise. I will however refrain from adding "but I'm not THAT kind of a feminist, you know the bra burning, protesting outside of beauty contests kinda feminist". Cos I think they aren't feminists, they have an agenda. And whatever that might be, gender equality is not it. I mean If they believed in equal "rights", why not the right for the women to choose where they want to be? If it is on the ramp showing off their lady bits to thousands of people, so be it. It's their body, their choice. No one put a gun to their heads and asked them to get up on stage, they are all adults in their own right and if at any point they do feel objectified they again have the right to quit. So no, those protestors are not feminists. If anything they go against everything feminism stands for.

So anyway, Feminism started back in the 1940's when women were really in need of a support system. It started as a voice of sorts for millions of women suffering injustice in silence. The pioneers had it tough. Like any new movement, they faced a lot of adversity. They had to overcome a lot of challenges in order to show the world that women too were capable to taking a stand, making decisions, provide for the family. To be heard, they screamed profanity, to be seen, they staged protests, to be taken seriously, they burned their bras. It all started in a good place, and they did achieve their goals to a certain extent, me writing this piece is proof enough. But it's all been blown out of proportion now really. Causes have become agendas, women's liberation has become male bashing and chivalry in the name of equality is expected.

I strongly believe that we - Instead of bridging the gap, are widening it. We are feeding into the inequality. I am a woman, and of course I get wild when my sisters are denied basic rights. My blood boils when another woman is subjected to atrocities, to domestic violence, to rape! I would however have the same reaction had it been a man in their place. Yes men are victims of violence too. They run the same risk as women to be kidnapped, raped or worse. So why is it that each time we discuss protecting our kids, empowering them with knowledge, I am often told "well you do not have a daughter, you won't know". Why won't I know? Just cos I have a son doesn't mean I worry any less for him. Just cos he's not a girl doesn't mean he runs no the risk of been violated. Just cos he has a Y chromosomes doesn't imply lack of sensitivity. He is sensitive. Very sensitive. And if I were to generalise, all the boys I have known his age are sensitive and complete sweethearts. They adore their parents, moms in particular. They respect authority and rarely cause trouble for each other. They have solidarity, they never intentionally exclude anyone from their "group". They are amazing! Just as your daughters are. They are caring. Just as your little girl is. They might be a little short sighted but hey they make up for it with their large hearts that are quick to forget and forgive. But instead of celebrating this beautiful side of theirs we take it as a sign of weakness! "Big boys don't cry, stop crying - be a man". Why are they being denied the most basic human expression?  The lack of awareness and empathy is appalling. From where I see it, the boys need more help than the girls do!

Those very boys will grow up to be men, men the "THAT type of feminist" will not think twice before abusing for being insensitive. Men that will be declared predators the minute they find themselves alone in an elevator with a girl. Men who will be expected to vacate a seat for a fully grown abled woman. Men who will fall in love and will have to bear the "burden" of romance. The flowers, the gifts, the dates, the holidays, the ring, the proposal. And they do it, ever so willing for the one girl they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But where is the equality here? I am told "raise your son to respect our girls", how about asking the girls to return the favor? How about teaching them all mutual love and respect? Why can't a woman pay the bill and hold the door open for a change? We are equals right? But have you ever heard a man complain about doing any of that for the girl he loves?

The fully grown men get married. They have kids. The women can't get a day to themselves cos they are so busy with the babies and the man is in office. The mom cannot go out on a girl’s night cos the dad is working late - as always. Hang on, why is he in office? Why is always working late? Oh I know - to provide for the family! To make up for the loss of income since his other half stopped working. To make sure there is nothing amiss in bringing up THEIR kid. And on the odd day that he does stay home for the kids what do we call that? Babysitting! Yes that's what we all say to that one friend who has left her child in the care of the dad. We roll our eyes, we offer sympathy and even pray that she doesn't go back to a messy, unclean home. It's all fun and games right? We're just joking of course. No! Cos watching over your own kids is not babysitting it is called "Parenting". Newsflash the Dad is a Parent too. Our society is tuned into believing that it is a woman's job to bring up the kids. Yes, that's a real shame cos given a chance, men are excellent caregivers too. It's the women who take the shine away from them really!

So as I was saying, I am a feminist. I believe in equality. I believe women are not inferior. Far from it actually. But I also believe neither are we superior. Cos feminism is about gender equality. It's about equal rights. And it is as much your daughter’s responsibility as it is my son’s. I will bring my son up to embrace his sensitive side, to love, to nurture. I will impart values and a sense of right and wrong. I will teach him equality, fairness, respect and COOKING - not cos the feminists say so but cos it is an essential life skill, I will encourage him to rise up against injustice when he sees it, I will train him to stand up for what he believes in and I do hope you do the same with your daughter. Because Boys will be Boys - and they are amazing when allowed to be!

So I'm a feminist! Surprise surprise. I will however refrain from adding "but I'm not THAT kind of a feminist, you know the bra burning, protesting outside of beauty contests kinda feminist". Cos I think they aren't feminists, they have an agenda. And whatever that might be, gender equality is not it. I mean If they believed in equal "rights", why not the right for the women to choose where they want to be? If it is on the ramp showing off their lady bits to thousands of people, so be it. It's their body, their choice. No one put a gun to their heads and asked them to get up on stage, they are all adults in their own right and if at any point they do feel objectified they again have the right to quit. So no, those protestors are not feminists. If anything they go against everything feminism stands for.

So anyway, Feminism started back in the 1940's when women were really in need of a support system. It started as a voice of sorts for millions of women suffering injustice in silence. The pioneers had it tough. Like any new movement, they faced a lot of adversity. They had to overcome a lot of challenges in order to show the world that women too were capable to taking a stand, making decisions, provide for the family. To be heard, they screamed profanity, to be seen, they staged protests, to be taken seriously, they burned their bras. It all started in a good place, and they did achieve their goals to a certain extent, me writing this piece is proof enough. But it's all been blown out of proportion now really. Causes have become agendas, women's liberation has become male bashing and chivalry in the name of equality is expected.

I strongly believe that we - Instead of bridging the gap, are widening it. We are feeding into the inequality. I am a woman, and of course I get wild when my sisters are denied basic rights. My blood boils when another woman is subjected to atrocities, to domestic violence, to rape! I would however have the same reaction had it been a man in their place. Yes men are victims of violence too. They run the same risk as women to be kidnapped, raped or worse. So why is it that each time we discuss protecting our kids, empowering them with knowledge, I am often told "well you do not have a daughter, you won't know". Why won't I know? Just cos I have a son doesn't mean I worry any less for him. Just cos he's not a girl doesn't mean he runs no the risk of been violated. Just cos he has a Y chromosomes doesn't imply lack of sensitivity. He is sensitive. Very sensitive. And if I were to generalise, all the boys I have known his age are sensitive and complete sweethearts. They adore their parents, moms in particular. They respect authority and rarely cause trouble for each other. They have solidarity, they never intentionally exclude anyone from their "group". They are amazing! Just as your daughters are. They are caring. Just as your little girl is. They might be a little short sighted but hey they make up for it with their large hearts that are quick to forget and forgive. But instead of celebrating this beautiful side of theirs we take it as a sign of weakness! "Big boys don't cry, stop crying - be a man". Why are they being denied the most basic human expression?  The lack of awareness and empathy is appalling. From where I see it, the boys need more help than the girls do!

Those very boys will grow up to be men, men the "THAT type of feminist" will not think twice before abusing for being insensitive. Men that will be declared predators the minute they find themselves alone in an elevator with a girl. Men who will be expected to vacate a seat for a fully grown abled woman. Men who will fall in love and will have to bear the "burden" of romance. The flowers, the gifts, the dates, the holidays, the ring, the proposal. And they do it, ever so willing for the one girl they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But where is the equality here? I am told "raise your son to respect our girls", how about asking the girls to return the favor? How about teaching them all mutual love and respect? Why can't a woman pay the bill and hold the door open for a change? We are equals right? But have you ever heard a man complain about doing any of that for the girl he loves?

The fully grown men get married. They have kids. The women can't get a day to themselves cos they are so busy with the babies and the man is in office. The mom cannot go out on a girl’s night cos the dad is working late - as always. Hang on, why is he in office? Why is always working late? Oh I know - to provide for the family! To make up for the loss of income since his other half stopped working. To make sure there is nothing amiss in bringing up THEIR kid. And on the odd day that he does stay home for the kids what do we call that? Babysitting! Yes that's what we all say to that one friend who has left her child in the care of the dad. We roll our eyes, we offer sympathy and even pray that she doesn't go back to a messy, unclean home. It's all fun and games right? We're just joking of course. No! Cos watching over your own kids is not babysitting it is called "Parenting". Newsflash the Dad is a Parent too. Our society is tuned into believing that it is a woman's job to bring up the kids. Yes, that's a real shame cos given a chance, men are excellent caregivers too. It's the women who take the shine away from them really!

So as I was saying, I am a feminist. I believe in equality. I believe women are not inferior. Far from it actually. But I also believe neither are we superior. Cos feminism is about gender equality. It's about equal rights. And it is as much your daughter’s responsibility as it is my son’s. I will bring my son up to embrace his sensitive side, to love, to nurture. I will impart values and a sense of right and wrong. I will teach him equality, fairness, respect and COOKING - not cos the feminists say so but cos it is an essential life skill, I will encourage him to rise up against injustice when he sees it, I will train him to stand up for what he believes in and I do hope you do the same with your daughter. Because Boys will be Boys - and they are amazing when allowed to be!

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