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After being married for almost 2 decades, I thought I would have gotten used to the good, bad and the ugly. But as it turns out, there are some habits that one can never get used to. Here are three of my husband’s habits and I suspect your husband might share with him, that I still cannot smile through:
1. Not keeping a promise, simply because he forgot
Long long ago, when we were dating, my then would-be husband, had stood me up a couple of times, at a very nice restaurant. We were going to meet for coffee but he didn’t turn up. Later, I had found that he got tied up in some unavoidable work and didn’t remember. He apologised. Sent me flowers and chocolates. Frankly, that should have been my cue. I should have run away! Instead, I jumped on to the bandwagon and got married!
It was only later that I discovered that before marriage, this forgetfulness disorder was at it’s infancy. In the fertile environment of a loving, caring, managing wife, he decided to really let himself go.
Once he bought gifts on his way back from South Africa. Really beautiful artwork and a garment with vibrant colours and traditional handwork. But forgot the bag on the airport dutyfree. Well, I reconstructed the memory by listening, in much detail, of their beauty.
Once he took me to a beautiful surprise dinner at the Country Club. Only to discover that he has forgotten the membership card! It was after I screamed, scolded and threatened the office that the beautiful romantic night moved forward.
Once my car tyre had a puncture on the road. As a knight in shining armour, my husband quickly called his mechanic to reach me and change the tyre. The poor guy rushed to the scene where the damsel in distress waited, only to discover that the spare was also punctured the last time my husband used the car. He had forgotten to mention it! Well, I sat with the mechanic on his bike and after many hops and hoops reached home in one piece!
Over the years, I felt that he forgets little things that make up life like- to pay bills, carry keys, inform me on engagements he commits for us or the holidays he gives to the driver, location of the cheque book and insurance papers… The list is long! So is there a silver lining? Sure! I presume that one could call him careless but I sure have had the wildest adventures thanks to him! Many a stories have been told, incidents narrated and laughters shared, all thanks to things that did not go right! What a great source of everyday humour.
2. Not caring for the mess, simply because he doesn’t have to clean
As a stickler for cleanliness, I hate a mess. I like the magazine homes with clean rugs and creaseless bedspreads; with neatly piled clothes in the wardrobe and walk-in closets; with sparking washroom and heavenly bath oils.
Sometimes, I wish I could live inside a Home Decor magazine with it’s glossy pictures and subtle lighting; where the sun is always at the correct angle to give that beautiful orange hue. The only thing that keeps me grounded is the mountain of clothes, blankets and wet towels rolled together on the bed, the dirty socks and shoes left on the wet rug and the cup of half drunk lukewarm tea at the bed side table that I have to deal with every morning. As my husband leaves for work and hurricane of chaos passes I try every day, very hard, to turn my bedroom into that magazine home. And I succeed, until the next morning! The redeeming fact is that it makes me feel like I am living in the Ground Hogs Day movie (where everything repeats itself)?
3. Not being at home to avoid the above two
In any case, since I married the fellow, and have not only tolerated the bad but even found humour in the wreck, I feel I deserve his devoted time. But for days, weeks and (some times) months he vanishes on corporate projects and field assignments or simply office meetings. This, I have discovered, disturbs me the most. No one to cook for or clean for or wait on. No one to fight for the news paper with or debate the political scene with, no one to be angry with or fall in love with. Oh yes, we stay in touch! We call and write. We discuss the work and play. We worry for each other’s health and money. But mostly, I pine for him, counting the days backwards to see him in flesh, to be his usual forgetful, filthy self!
I must say, I have enjoyed with him, a lifetime of adventure, travel and thrill. From experimenting in baking to learning ice skating; from travelling to New York to visiting the White Nile; From furs from England to fans from China- he has showered his love in every way possible. So with confused signals and mixed messages, I struggled to understand him! And over time I have realised that these idiosyncrasies and ‘shortcomings’ are what make him who he is. These important but boring little things are important but not as important as my relationship with this overall very loveable hubby! So here I am today - angry that he forgot the towel on the floor, forgot to pay the school fee that was due a week back and taking off for a business trip - but wishing that he was here with me.