|   Feb 14, 2017

Rape culture is systemic, and to eliminate it, changes must happen at many levels.....Wise parenting being one among them.

As human, we are civilized and enjoy being one of the finest creations of God. Then what render us into such heinous crimes? The answer resides in our dormant conscience and lack of correct education.

As parents, we try to instill quality education in our children, yet in various way parents have been contributing to this rape culture. Some traditional practices and old thoughts were passed through generations that crippled our society.

Rape is a GLOBAL concern and what worsens is the lack of empathy! Rape see no age, be it a 3 years old baby or 60 years elderly; then how can a woman be responsible for it or ask for it?

We need to socially and ethically empower our men to initiate and eliminate the rape culture. Even women too need some refinement in understanding.

So, How Do We As Parents Eliminate Rape Culture? By communication with our children, but that’s not a one-time discussion.

I know how it is difficult to make our children understand certain facts and more challenging is their age factor. When they come up with certain questions out of curiosity, then it's tougher than our graduation exams. But we need to discuss a few uncomfortable things to nurture our kids to become good human being.

Often it is said that boys must be raised to value women. Yes! correct but that’s the partial truth.Why only boys? To mention children are very close to their mommies and eventually, if a girl is wisely brought up she will instill those values in her children, who in turn shall pass them to the next generations. Similarly, a well educated father can propagate the right teachings. Hence it is necessary to raise both girls and boys in a wiser way to eliminate the rape culture. 

Many times I see, parents pass lewd comments and do slut shaming in front of kids.  Our children learn by seeing and hearing us than by our teachings. They will remember their mom or dad degraded women based on clothes and sexuality and will internalize that message. So we need to mind our words and actions to bring up sensible children.Boys must be taught that under no circumstances men are entitled to sexually abuse anyone....be it within the four walls of marriage or a pub.

As parents, we need to modify some of our teaching methodologies. Many parents teach dress code to their girls at the cost of shaming or blaming other girls. Now if a boy grows up watching this at home; what would that boy learn from his parents? He will get a wrong message which will be shared with other guys too. So it is significant to raise children in an environment where they do not pander to evil ideas and behaviors.

Even women must stop blaming the rape victims. Yes, there are many women who do that and puts the blame on girls.If every woman acts sensibly and cares for the rape victims and stand against this social trauma; no men can go astray!

We need to educate both girls and boys to respect their bodies, know their limits and to honor others'. And the wrong cliché “Boys will be Boys” must be hurled out of the window.

Another practice in ignorance is that many parents tell their kids to hug a relative or friend without taking the kid’s consent. If we want to teach our kids the importance of consent, we must value their consent also.

We can suggest different way to say a bye. I often ask my daughter if she wanna give a hug or just wave a goodbye....and I do the same with adults or other kids who come across to hug my munchkin. If she doesn’t want to entertain them, I respect her choice and politely convey her message with a smile.

Another big problem is glorification of sexual abuse in media. And the porn industry acts as a catalyst by giving the message that both genders are always wanting! I don’t know how can we shut those episodes of twisting facts but we need to talk to our children about them.

As parents, we must teach our boys that the idea of romancing is not stalking a girl. And teach them to refrain from gendered slurs like bitch and slut. We need to teach our boys to embrace the kinder aspect of their masculinity and teach them to be caring and protective in nature.

The music videos and films portray unreal things and our children grow under those influences. It is our responsibility to teach them the real and reel differences.

The onus is also on the fathers to treat boys as friends at times to know their minds. The deep seated thoughts; boys might not discuss with their mother but it's then the father could create a difference. Instead of always playing an authoritarian role at home, father must try to read the boy's mind from a different perspective. Be the boy to know and understand the boy.

We need to teach both boys and girls about self-respect and the importance of respecting others. Where “respect” becomes the norm, no sexual violence can find a place and rape culture will get eliminated.

Boys must be taught that a woman’s body is not merely for their pleasure. At the same time, both men and women should embrace the fact that pleasure of girls and women is something beautiful and not slutty.

My empathy is for all, be it women or the males who fall victim to the rape culture.The disease is spreading fast and anybody who’s defenseless and weaker is falling to its prey.

Our kids deserve a better future and our wise parenting is a gateway!








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