Married to a "Mama's Boy"?
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|   Jul 09, 2017
Married to a "Mama's Boy"?

There are many things that can be deal breakers when it comes to relationships, and finding yourself involved with a mama's boy can be a pretty high contender.But while they definitely pose a challenge, someone who loves and respects their mom as much as they do is bound to love and respect their partners too. So it might be worth sticking around…

However, you definitely deserve a little more credit for dealing with an overbearing mother. Here's a list of the daily struggles you might face while settling with a mama's boy: 

1. He will never truly be independent.

No matter how old he is, she will always come over — probably unannounced — to cook, clean and do laundry for him, all the while making snide little comments about how he must be “starving” without her.

Let's not forget though, that this is if you're lucky and have managed to find one who has actually left the nest already, otherwise good luck trying to get him to move away from all those mommy home comforts!

2. He'll never believe anything unless his mom tells him so.

This could be as simple as you telling him how to cook right or booking a vacation. If it's not how mom would have done it, it's not right. And that's not to mention the tough stuff like investments and buying a place together.  

3. She will try and control your life now too.

No matter if you get him — by some miracle — to agree with you about where to live, or you simply give in and choose an apartment that's “mom approved,” don't just assume you'll be able to decorate it how you want.

Get ready for free advices and opinions about everything...what to do, how to do it right, where to get things from..etc.

4. He thinks your taste is her taste.

On that note, it won't be long until he starts to assume you both like the same things, which of course means matching presents.

Obviously it is the thought that counts and you love him for that, but how many left out jewelry catalogues and web pages can one man miss?

5. She will always have the final say.

No matter the topic, mommy will always have the final say. Even if you manage to get him to see your point behind closed doors, just one phone call with dear old mommy and you'll be set to swap your romantic Paris getaway for two with a family vacation.

Because obviously, it's easier to say no to you than it is to her!

6. You'll never be able to avoid the comparisons.

I am sure these mama's boys don't do it on purpose, but it's impossible for them to not look at the woman they have chosen to share their life with and compare them to their mothers.

Whether it's the detergent you use, the way you cook your eggs or the way you talk to him in the morning, he'll always be quick to tell you that mom does it differently.

You know, just in case you want to morph into her anytime soon!

7. Adjusting behaviour:

There is no person more stubborn than a mama's boy.

Being so used to getting his own way with no qualms from mom, he'll struggle to understand why that treatment isn't extended to your relationship too.

With a little bit of patience, you might be able to get him to understand why it's important to compromise.

8. You'll never be able to make a joke about his mom.

No seriously, never ever. His mom is his entire world and he'll see any joke made at her dispense, a personal dig and will not be able to let it go — no matter how much you reassure him you like her.

It's just not worth it. Keep your mouth shut and send it to the girls chat instead; they'll give you the laughs you deserve.

9. He texts her more than he texts you (and doesn't think that it's weird).

Ever get home from work and wonder why you've hardly heard from your man all day? Only for him to tell you he's been “crazy busy” and hasn't had chance to look at his phone all day? Haven't we all.

But of course if you saw his inbox you would see that he's not been “too busy” to respond to his mom earlier this afternoon. My advice, don't even bother confronting him about it, he'll just look at you blankly and say, “but that's my mom, that doesn't count.

*Sigh*!!

10. He'll call her about every little thing.

If you ever ask him to do any household task, he'll make at least five phone calls to his mom to make sure he is doing it right – that's if she doesn't just come over and do it for him.

11. He will lack drive.

It's only natural for somebody who has had things handed to them their whole life to struggle to understand the importance of hard work. It isn't necessarily his fault, but then again it isn't yours either, so why should you suffer because of it?

The best way to get him out of this bad habit is try to guide him in the right direction with support and encouragement.

There is nothing more infuriating than someone who just expects good things to happen for them with no effort. He needs to get out of this awful habit in order to succeed in life – and to keep hold of your relationship.

12. He becomes unbearable when he's sick.

We all know that man flu is a very real thing, but when he's a mama's boy, it's so much worse. And no matter how much you try and make him feel better, you won't be doing it right. It won't be long until his mother is over making soup and complaining about the lack of housework you seem to do.

The best thing to do when man flu strikes is leave them to it. That way, you don't have to deal with him whining about being sick and he gets his “mom time” without you having to take the brunt of her judgment.

Here are 5 tips you can use if you are dealing with a momma’s boy and want to get your relationship on track:

1. You have to tell him how you feel. 

Men are not mind readers and often do not realize that what they are doing is damaging the relationship.

Get your point across, but do it in a respectful and calm manner. Be careful to choose your words wisely as this is a very sensitive situation and you don’t want to seem like you are giving him an ultimatum to choose. Show of anger and start throwing around nasty comments...he will rebel and negativity will start setting in your relationship.

2. Set boundaries.

Encourage him into setting some boundaries and see if he makes an effort. Make sure those boundaries are clear and concise. Be realistic and fair but do not compromise your needs. Don’t expect things to change overnight as this is a process. You can even go as far as to involve a psychotherapist as a mediator to help facilitate the changes. (You should set some of you own boundaries as well.)

3. Don’t take it upon yourself to speak to his mother.

Respect the fact that this is a personal issue that he and his mother need to resolve. If boundaries are part of the plan, your guy needs to communicate it to his mother. No exceptions.

4. Prepare to deal with move on.

You definitely want to prepare yourself mentally as this isn't an easy battle. Keep in mind, some momma’s boys are perfectly fine knowing that at the end of the day, they can always run home to mommy. You need to prepare to give him his space while drawing lines and boundaries to upkeep your own space and self respect.

Dont discuss past and bring up long gone issues while you deal with problems in hand..easier said than practiced...but the ultimate solution to handle conflicts.

5. Get to know his mother

Controlling things in your life, advicing without being asked, etc do not amount to intruding in your life according to her. She needs to maintain the same relation with her son and feels insecure about how you should be treating him in her absence. 

Spending quality time with her, would help her understand that she needs to let go of her control (although it would be against her natural self) over her son's life and be a guiding, caring and loving mother to you both.

Best way is to plan and take a short trip together. It not only helps in ice breaking but also helps you to show to his mother that you are not here to take her son away from her but to create a new loving bond!

But in the end, despite all their challenging characteristics, there's no doubt that a mama's boy knows how to dote on the women in his life. And that's something special to hold on to.

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