She wasn't supposed to die like that !
|   Sep 09, 2016
She wasn't supposed to die like that !

Somewhere towards the end of July 2005, it was finally confirmed that we will be sharing the room. We were poles apart in every way you could possibly think. Yet I had to stay with her, at a place which was as it is so hurtful and tough. She was bitter and mean, I was rude and blunt. Definitely we were not meant to get along; but end of the day, her face was the last thing I had to see. We spent six months in that room, and I don't remember a single occasion where we might have shared few moments like roomies. We were living together because there was no alternative. It was a training academy, not a college hostel.

My elder son was almost 5 months old, and while I was feeding him, my mother-in-law called out from the other room, "...a 29 year old committed suicide" (the part I remember distinctly). "No, it can't be her. She's one of the strongest or was. No, must be some mistake.". I made few phone calls and yes! it was her.  She chose to end her life in the most unthoughtful way. 

She was not my friend nor someone I ever liked but however much I would have disliked her, I immensely admired her qualities and talents. So here I was sitting with tears in my eyes and thinking about all those moments when I had scolded her or advised her or just listened to her. Regret was mounting in my heart that why I didn't speak to her. Yes! I had been hearing 'things', 'judgements', 'opinions' and I had chosen to keep quiet as I never liked to be part of the bitching brigade. I may not approve your way of living or your decisions but then I have no right to give my approval, unless asked for; so I chose not to speak to her and here I am standing in shock watching her dead face on national news channel. Hell! Where did all her friends go?why she didn't speak to someone?why no one couldn't care less?why, why, why? "You too didn't speak to her!"...'cause it would have looked stupid, you calling her up after so many years, that too just because you had a gut-feeling that she might be could have just picked up and asked, just like the times when you asked if she needed a sheet when she was curling in the night, you could have just scolded her like you did when she came with bruised knee just to prove that she can sprint better than men, you could have told to shut her thoughts like you did when you were dressing her injury and she was blabering about how will she run cross-country. You told her it will heal, just take care. Yes!I did. It did sound stupid at that time too, simply because we hardly used to talk. If only I would have called, may be it would have been a well-worth 'stupidity', today.

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