What it takes to make a marriage successful?
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|   May 06, 2017
What it takes to make a marriage successful?

I wonder at times, why do relationships fail? Till yesterday they were madly in love, then what happened suddenly? Marriages do different things to your so called 'successful relationship' only because there is a lot which needs to be carried now other than you two. Actually, if you spend some time and analyse, it doesn't happen overnight. It takes lot of 'hard work' by you, her and the families to finally call it a failure and eventually you end up saying 'THANK YOU'. So the question arises that who to be blamed, the husband or the family, because as I knew marriages joins the families and it's supposed to be better now. Our conditioning since childhood has been very different about men, women and marriages. The rigid definitions have narrowed our vision, and thus we become so sceptical in pondering over the issues and finding a workable solution. Rather, we find it convenient to just hush-hush the entire matter, as questioning the role of the family in making your marriage work sounds insane. There can be so many connotations to it, no? I often think who is more important in a marriage, husband or mother-in-law? Not to offend anyone but every time my mind says it's the MIL. See if the MIL is good, the son ought to be good because he has been raised that well but if she isn't good, nothing can save the son. 

A marriage cannot work without everyone’s acceptance, at least in our society. How can she be oblivious of your mother judging her every action, taunting on everything and showing to the relatives that you are her darling daughter (not even the DIL)? How can she be ignorant about her feeling that she is taking her dear son away from her? How can she not notice that unsaid in between the lines, that her son has become his wife’s spokesperson? How do you expect a relationship to work knowing that the girl has also put in equal or may be more hours in competing through those exams and finally managing a good job for her but you still treating her like another expensive show piece without any identity of her own?

So often I find men saying that what can they do about it, it’s their mother. No, it’s not a choice between your mother and your wife. Remember those seven promises you gave to your wife on your wedding day; she is trying to remind you because you promised (though I know you have forgotten which is more hurtful). Please understand she has come alone only by putting her faith in you, if you desert her, she would actually become hopeless and unguided. I fail to understand how to make men understand what marriages are. We all so conveniently say and laugh it off that they won’t understand, but the reality is that this is what is screwing up our relationships. So the real question is what does a woman want?

A woman wants stability in every sense. So the last time when your darling mother taunted that, “You snatched away my son!” please go and speak to your mom, she also did the same years ago (if at all she feels that's what your wife has done) and thus you were born. I find it ridiculous, you raised your son for 25+ years and suddenly someone comes and she takes away your son? How can this be possible? If at all such a situation has come where you have started feeling threatened that you are losing your son because of your daughter-in-law, trust me it's your son who should be blamed and the rest goes on your upbringing. A solid foundation can't be shaken; it's only the fragile which can be broken and rebuilt

A woman wants respect not only in front of relatives but at every step of life. This I feel is the biggest cause of frailing relationships nowadays. I find couples trying hard to show how much they love and respect each other in front of the extended families but in reality their relationship is absolutely hollow, just dressed in expensive clothes and layers of makeup. What kind of relationship is that where you think ten times before speaking to your own wife, she doesn't care from where her husband is earning the money or whether he needs her help or not, or you end up shouting on your own parents because apparently she complained about something she wanted and not being given to her by your parents. We are losing sight. Relationships are not about what you show; it's about what you feel. You can sustain without love but you can’t make it work without respect. It’s a mutual feeling which you have to develop for each other. She needs to be respected for what she is and she has to do the same towards you. Learn to respect each others’ existence.

A woman wants someone to listen to her or there are some like me who resort to writing but still I want someone to read it. :) A lot can be cleared over a cup of coffee. It’s understandable that you can’t say anything to your mother, but at least hear your wife out; she might be having some valid points. And even if there are none, why do you forget that she didn’t resort to disrespecting your mother, she gulped it with a pinch of salt. All that accuses and abuses, she picked up without creating any drama. Why can’t you give her some time in return? Cover that up with your love and sincere effort.

A woman needs encouragement. I personally feel everybody needs encouragement, why only women. Don’t you feel good when someone praises you for something you really deserve? I generally find men cracking jokes about their wives and actually making them a laughing stock and if she does the same, the entire family stands up to defend their ‘boy’. She is a human being too who too is capable to achieve what you have done and most of the times I find that she happen to be more capable.

In a nutshell, it just says that be there for your wife, when she needs you. MIL and other things she wouldn’t even care if only you would know how to handle her. She deals with a lot the whole day, don’t make her days more difficult.

Moreover, it’s not only that all the above is only restricted to the female type. Men too want each and every single thing I mentioned here. Relationships die a quiet death when you stop focusing on them. Something which can be worked out so beautifully just with a little prudence and positivity, don’t let it slip away from your hands only to live with regrets later. If it’s worth your relationship, it’s worth every bit.

Love.

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