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The 2 red lines and there was a breeze of happiness all across the family. Yes I was pregnant. The journey was full of ups and downs , enjoying the baby bump and struggling with mood swings and office work. My hubby made sure I got full rest at office and also at home.
Then suddenly the series of crashes started coming along. One by one I started hearing sad news of demise from family members, sometimes from my side and sometimes from my in laws side. Tears came rolling down thinking why this is happening to me in this beautiful time. Even the in laws were not near in this time and me and my husband struggled through this time.
I was not willing to go to in laws for the delivery. Each day I would wish I could stay at my home only and not deliver the baby at in laws home but I dint have option. I had lost my parents when I was young and my brother was not willing to talk to me on the matter of property of my father. So all that was left was an option to deliver baby at my in laws home where I would be away from my husband.
I was not at all happy kept praying incase he would take me away back but that didn't happen. I kept myself busy in office work and relatives. Finally the day when my baby was going to turn 10 months , I heard my water broke in 6:00 am in the morning. I was rushed to the hospital with no pain just water gushing by on my clothes.
I struggled with 8 hours of labour with no result and finally the C- section. I felt a relief as to finish this terrible phase. I heard the first cry and asked the doctor "Is the baby healthy?". She said yes and my second question was "Baby boy or girl?", she said "Its a male child". Whatever it was I was happy and so was my husband.
They shifted me to the room where I could see the baby looking at small wonder eyes. I stayed there for 2 days with those procedures and instructions told to me to be taken care of. I went back to home with the baby. This was probably the last day I might have breathed a normal life because after that what came was something I never had thought of.
The next day I felt something very different in me. I couldn't rest despite people telling me again and again to rest when baby is sleeping. I used to stay awake whole day and night with eyes wide open and hardly 2 hours of sleep and than baby used to wake me up. Thoughts started killing me and eating my head which I couldn't control. I felt I shall go mad.
I shared the feeling with my husband who had returned back to the town for his office work and was away from me. He guided me for meditation or apps that would calm me. But those didn't work at all.
I finally met my doctor and she said you are sleep deprived and if this continues that you might have to see the psychiatrist. Big jolt.... a psychiatrist... have I gone mad? I ignored her pills and continued to pass days wishing to go back to my home soon. The troubles started increasing , now my eyes used to remain swollen whole day, I started neglecting baby, started having bad feeling for all , and even started thinking of ending my life to end this suffering.
Finally my husband decided to take me back to my home wishing it would calm me. The journey over there was also a big wave which I would continue in my Part 2..