One day, Preeti was sitting in parlour and was happily telling Divya (Parlour girl) that she is going to Mom’s place for two months. Divya immediately asked, “Husband chod daete hai itnae time kae liae?” and Preeti said that they don’t have anything such in between them. Divya was surprised to know that and asked that how do you manage to live like ‘strangers’ and Preeti was just speechless about it. She said that she can’t do anything about it (with tears in her eyes and she was trying to hide them).
Yes, this is the reality with which many couples are living especially in India. Their husbands are their good friends, great helpers and good fathers but they are just living like ‘ROOM-MATES’ living in same house but have no relation in-between. They all have different reasons and accepted this fact as the truth of their life. Few have family reasons; some of them actually don’t find any other solid reason to move on and mostly are living together for future of their kids. They love each other and have no intention to cheat but it’s just they don’t want to come close now. There is no drama, no fighting, love is still there but they have loose the spark. While there isn't any one thing that causes a couple to stop having sex, my friends mention three common reasons for the same: busy schedules, having young children, and lack of desire on the part of one partner or the other. When you lose intimacy, desire to spend quality time and have almost no physical relationship then we can call it a sexless marriage…
Can this type of marriage work!!!
Most of the people will say that they can’t survive this kind of relationship, but this is a reality of most of the couples I know. Even the moms of age between 20-30 years are saying that “We are just friends” or “Sex isn't a part of my vocabulary anymore.” They are still managing their social life well. They usually pretend to be a happy couple but they are not (internally).
If you really love and are committed to the person, you'll work together to fix the problem. They should talk about what they feel and should find ways to give spark to their dying relation. Consider below tips to help get the intimacy back in your relationship:
Rule out medical problems: Sometimes it’s about some medical problem. It can be hormonal or stress also. Discuss with a doctor and rule out the physical causes.
Think about counselling: This kind of marriage can be a sign of more serious problems in the relationship—lack of trust, unresolved anger, deep resentment, one partner having an affair or with one foot emotionally out of the marriage. If efforts to discuss the problems are too uncomfortable, frustrating or going nowhere you can consider a therapist too.
Consider gender differences: Man and woman think differently and have their preferences to express love. Please understand that you both are different and respect your individuality.
How can you improve the situation!!! – You can do it with simple solutions. Firstly we have to change our attitude towards current situation and make efforts to improve it. Saying is marriage is about falling in love with same person again and again. Try to start loving his positive talks, his jolly nature, his manhood, appreciate his value in your life and surprise him with new looks. If he stopped behaving as your dream man then you try to be his dream girl and initiate a romantic date. There is nothing awkward or wrong in this… Also…..
Don’t blame yourself: You are not the reason for this situation. Try to make this situation better by talking to him/her. The reason may be your partner’s hormonal problem or stressful life. This can be sorted by talking about it.
You are not alone: More than 50 percent of my own friend’s circle is facing this issue so just don’t feel miserable about it. Talk to your spouse and if required consult a doctor. There is no shame in this.
Make time for Intimacy: Be intimate, share quiet moments where you simply look at each other, hold hands and talk about your feelings. Stop making excuses for not sharing personal time with each other.
The longer you go without being intimate, the more awkward you feel. Life is not about spending time in usual stuff. Try to modify your routine, try to be a bit naughty again, enjoy something that you have never tried, don’t mind B-C grade movies sometime, Just don’t make kids as only reason to stay together, Enjoy the cup of coffee like you did before marriage, spend few minutes with your partner and share the things with him that you have missed because of your busy schedule…
It’s not just about your relationship with your spouse as eventually this will affect your kids too. Act before it’s too late….