Click here for shortcuts to regional language blogs and city-specific events.
I am a 16-year-old girl, inside a 33-year-old lady. Like every girl I had my own dreams about MY MAN; MY FAMILY; MY CHILD etc. Few dreams were fulfilled like the birthday present. Few were not! No Regrets! I can proudly say that I am very happy today whatever I have got in my life.
I might sound silly when I admit this that I never expected a boy as my first child. I don’t like boys as kids (though I find my boy most adorable, but still). We can dress up girls in so many ways. The idea of dressing up those little fairies brings a smile on my face. When I was expecting Saahir, many aunties used to tell me ‘You are carrying a boy’ I just used to frown.
A very funny incident happened with me when I had gone for my last visit of ultrasound (Very famous in Delhi/NCR). The managers who were there, they showed me the genitals of my son. I am carrying BOY!!! STAMPED!! That picture was more than enough to spoil my mood. I never bothered with the fact that ultrasound guy did something REALLY UNETHICAL. Please don’t judge me for being gender bias. I am still a doting mom of my 2-year-old cupcake. I have even heard my mom saying ‘bade Punya kiye hote hai unhone jinke ghar betiyaa hoti hai (People with a lot of good fortune get the reward in the form of daughters). This thing had made so much impact on myself. I always used to wrack my brain that what should I do so that I shall be rewarded a daughter.
Anyways, the reality says that I am happy mamma of so very lovely and naughtiest boy of this world. The dearth of having a girl child have still not gone inside me. Still, something deep inside me wants that.
At the beginning of this write-up, I mentioned about my dreams. One among them was ADOPTING a child. Now at this stage, I see my dream coming true. HOW, WHEN, WHERE, WHO I DONOT KNOW. What I know is that if I would have a girl child first, I would have never thought of adopting a boy. But now I can think of adopting a beautiful little angel.
Getting pregnant again will not guarantee a GIRL...
I must confess here when I was expecting I had visited a Tarot Card reader ( though I don’t believe in all this) but the desperation of wanting a girl was very high. The Tarot Card reader told me that I will have 2 boys and both will come by accident not planned. I can’t explain the rage I felt when she told me this. I almost threatened my husband not coming close to me. And I still follow this thumb rule.
Henceforth the idea of pregnancy has been dropped.
Every part of my being says that I want to adopt a girl child. And I will I know that because
‘Jab aap kisi cheez ko poori shiddat se chahte ho,
Toh poori kaynaat aapko use milaane ki tayari karti hai’ – Movie: OM SHAANTI OM 2007 ;) ;).
The Journey of my thoughts:
‘One day in a beach before dawn, starfish was washed ashore. The beach was covered with starfish too many to count. The starfish would probably die when the sun rose for it, would dry them out & kill them. At that moment, one man began picking up these starfish, tossing them back into the sea. People around sneered at him, saying, ‘There is no way you can save all of these. It’s hopeless.’ But the man picking another starfish tossing it back into the sea, replied in a quiet voice, ‘That may be true, but still, to this starfish, it makes a great difference.’
This is the reply I give to myself and others.
But I feel raising a child is about love, about giving till it hurts. No child is” your own.” What I believe to be the most beautiful thing about adoption is that you realize you can love completely without the help of biology.
Anyways, I don’t want to manifest my negative thoughts. Or worry about things that haven’t even happened yet.
One day in this lifetime only I will be Mamma again of a girl child. I am a praying sort of person, will pray for this dream to come true soon.
Would love to share beautiful stories of becoming a mom again with all of you again.
Till that time,
SAAHI S MAAMA