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I get up to a blissful morning and in fraction of seconds I realise that I am late. Head straight to the kitchen for making breakfast for my kid. In a hurry I spill some milk on the kitchen slab, oh fo!!!! I am really angry on myself. I go to my son’s bed, cuddle him, wish him good morning with lots and lots of kisses and hugs, but he wants to sleep more. Ha! Ok only ten minutes and then you have to wake up- my sermon to deaf ears. After 15 minutes when Chini is still not ready to get up I start getting angry at him as well as myself.
Seeing him off with a happy mood makes me a little calmer for a brief time. Starting with the routine work I realise that my maid has still not turned up. I am about to vent my anger that I hear a sound at the front door. Ah what a relief!!! I take out the bowl to boil some milk for myself and suddenly I realise the milkman has not supplied the milk today. Oh GOSH!! I am so angry.
When I am going through so much in the morning how can my hubby sleep, I am furious!!! I curse my bedroom upstairs. Had it been down near the kitchen hubby dear would have woken up and pacified me!! Oh What dreamy world we women make especially about our husbands!
I just manage to get ready for my office on time. Applying kohl around my eyes and humming a song, I finally jump into my car only to realise that I forgot to take an important file in this hustle bustle. I am angry at myself. I try to make way between the maddening traffic and keep on getting angry to the unmindful and stupid people that come my way.
Then in the office I keep getting disturbed at the work of the subordinates, or about their behaviour. I promise myself that I will not be angry at home especially at Chini and now that is very difficult to accomplish. You can get any work done under the sun but getting the homework done from him at one call is challenging. They say “Parenting is the most difficult job in this world.”
This had been the routine for a long time with some changes here and there and then one day I counted the number of times I get angry in a day and believe me I felt awful. One day while tending to my unwell son popped a million dollar question at me:- Mummy why are you accepting all the things I am asking for? Why are you not angry? That had the final blow on me. Something needs to be done. What is that I am running for? Why I am always angry with my son when he is the one whom I love the most? Why are the things not going my way? Why are not all the pieces falling in the right perspective? I was never like that. I felt to be trapped in a vicious circle more I got angry more things were getting out of my control. I was literally heading towards a dead end.I had to do something about it.
I talked to my mother about it and together we devised a plan that whenever I get angry I will message her the count of times I got angry. It was very simple like the moment I was upset i messaged her 1 and then the count kept on increasing through the day.But to my surprise the count started dwindling rapidly from the day 2.It was really working. The other ways that i opted included
Meditation: It is very important to have a positive start of the day and meditation helps doing that by its soothing effect on the body and soul.It rejuvenates you for the whole day. This included pranayam especially anulom vilom. While doing it I just feel devoid of all thoughts which is very relaxing.
Me time: Started spending time with myself. While leading a routine life we forget to live life. For a fulfilling life we need to have a conversation with ourselves every now and then so that we can keep a check on our emotions.We all know what is going wrong in our lives but we are able to acknowledge it only when we sit with ourselves.
Patience: This is one important trait which I needed badly especially while dealing with my son. I let him take decisions even if i just didn’t approve of them like not completing his homework on some days, or taking bath as per his choice on holidays etc. Kept on reminding myself to let go.
I am calm now , feel more energetic and the most important i am at peace with myself. I am happy these days.
But I still falter on many days.