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Congratulations!! You have been selected for a 3 days offsite training program for women.The location for offsite is Yercurd a hill station. You will be undergoing a special training.Please confirm your presence by tomorrow.
This was the email from HR in my organization and it was all pleasant and exciting for my fellow colleagues. I could see the excitement, joy and curiosity on their face and talks. I was also trying to show the same expression required for the occasion but deep inside I was feeling all otherwise. And my question was why they are doing the training program outside of city, why not in Bangalore.
The feeling of leaving behind my 4.5 year old Son alone was not allowing me to be happy about the opportunity. How will he be without me for 3 days? I have not left him even for single day. My heart was sinking with the thought of this. This is just not possible for me. I was asking questions to myself what this training is all about. Do I need to do that, I am already doing good. It is not worth doing it.This was one part of my thoughts which was emotional and mother role of me overpowered it.
Hey you are one of the lucky one, that organization has chosen you for this among so many candidates. They see a potential in you. This is great opportunity to learn new things. Its ok, he will be fine. He is big enough and not a fussy kid at all. Anyways he has his own schedule for school and day care so his daddy can easily take care of him. This was another part of my thought which was more rational and practical.
While I was juggling through my thoughts sometime it became more emotional and says no no, I do not need this training and sometime it says you must do it, it is good for your personal growth which in turn help you raising a better child. Finally after discussing with my husband, I sent the confirmation for training.
We had to leave on Wednesday 5. am and come back on Friday 9 pm.. It was hardly 2 days to leave. I have to do so many arrangements for him, so that these 3 days would as less troublesome as possible for him. I was keeping clothes for him for next 3 days, making notes what to feed him, what to pack for his tiffin, What to keep in his school bag and day care bag. Fill the fridge with all fruits and vegetables, what to ask domestic help to cook for 3 days etc etc. I was making all possible arrangements for both of them.
It was Tuesday night and I was still not excited to go. My guilt feeling of leaving him behind was overpowering. Will he be ok? Am I a selfish mother who is thinking about her own? Is there anything more worth than him? All these thought were making me awake whole night.
I called my husband many time while in bus, did he get up, did he ask about me? Was he crying?Every time his answer was, all is fine, he is good and playing. Even after hearing all this I was still nervous and anxious for all three days for him. Calling my husband every time and giving him instructions.
Training program was awesome. It was in Jungle, full outdoor, camps and adventure .I was never been through such experiential learning before. It was definitely and great experience for me. I was feeling accomplished.
I was home, I looked him from corner of door, and he was all playing with toys. I called his name “Atharva” he looked at me for a moment and he hugged me tight. That was the moment for me. A tear rolled from my eye, “Mumma did you see Lion in Jungle, what did you do there? tell me , tell me na” , all his questions brought me back. Yeah” I will tell you everything.”
He was all good, did not even complained once that I left him. It was my fear and guilty which was stopping me not he. We mothers always fear of crossing our boundaries but I am happy that “I crossed my boundaries” it was absolutely worth it. It is not easy to cross you boundaries but once you do that you will come out as a winner.