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This is my first post ever and I just wrote what I thought…I wanted to speak out…
This is the second time I have left my son back home in the last five years and I am feeling comparatively at ease….
The first time I left my son which was six months ago him at home on a professional commitment I felt soo guilty. How committed I am to this particular assignment was a challenging answer I always had at the back of my mind.
I have been working as a teacher in a public school since my son was two months old and deep down now and then I would always feel guilty. I did get opportunities to grow but did not take them up till he was five. I tirelessly tried not to carry any work home…and have been able to maintain a balance on that front…
I left him for the first time in May end for a 12 day workshop and it was the first time I was leaving him behind. Being in the education sector I always attend workshops on child development and effective parenting and importance of parent involvement in the character building of a child.
I constantly kept questioning myself is my work an impediment in my child’s development? But the practicality of the situation remains that in Metro’s as a young couple , both working it is an added advantage. I would feel bad but over a period of time I did come over that guilt but resurfaced again and with a vigour in May …What am I doing? Is it correct and now again after six months I have left him back home for 5 days this time and guess what the guilt is lesser , I have done well in my assignment which I had come for which made me feel …Ok not actually a waste …I was appreciated…and somewhere it dawned on me in these days over these six months, I also have an identity away from my family…I mean where I am practically far away.I can enjoy .I am more than a wife, mother, daughter, daughter in law. I am me. If I have a potential should I not channelize it? By working and now going out station am I not only adding on to my more roles..Am I not diversifying ? Am I not becoming something more than I am?
Then this tiny thought creeps? Am I correct? A a tug of war ….always….I do want my child to be proud of me but I don’t want myself not to be proud enough…I want to die with a feeling I justified myself…..
I don’t mean women who don’t work are not..I meant if I want to work, go out , grow , make an identity outside confines of a family am I doing justice to my child? I am also contributing in trying to build a secure future for my child …Am I not??? Think ..Think Think J