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The word Parenting creates a picture like above in my mind. Two birds (persons) with two different perspectives, knowledge and understanding, fighting over a small egg (kid).Can they ever agree?
This is true that Women are from Venus & Men are from Mars.
Well my girl is just one yr old and we are far apart from the real issues of upbringing, schooling, behavior and everything like that. Yet we disagree at least on one thing almost every day- from diapering to discipline, It may be on her sleep routine (hubby says don’t let her sleep in afternoon I says why not), to feed or not to feed ghee (he says why not I says why so early), offering feed as soon as she cries (he says let her cry I says I know when she is hungry) and the debate continues…
Like every mother I was sure that only I can take best care of my daughter, that her father or anyone else would be careless for her and would not be able to understand her needs like me.Although by heart and mind I believe that it is mandatory to be a parent than to be a mother or a father, The synchronization and harmony between Mumma and papa is very much needed for a child; other wise your child may be lost, confused,in secured, under performed, have behavioral issues, low self esteem,poor social skills and even hateful.
I was sure that parenting would be difficult for both of us especially together until that day when I had to go for an interview, I was not willing at all as my girl was totally dependent upon me. But it was my partner who insisted me to at least face the interview. Well I thought it would be a matter of just 1-2 hrs. But surprisingly a written, technical and interactive round was scheduled in one day only. I made my mind to quit as who would take care of her. I called him and again my husband somehow persuade me to go ahead.
Friends I was really very worried, thoughts were coming to my mind that she must be crying, must be hungry, He surely couldn’t clean her after pooping. Oh God! that day was too long.
Finally after 7 long hrs When I returned home almost rushing, from the door I peeped and surprised-unlike my expectation she was PLAYING , SMILING, GIGGLING with her father.
She was just a bit angry with me for leaving her for so long which was totally fine and justified. I almost cried, hugged her and kissed her many times. In past 1 year for the first time I was not with her for long SEVEN HOURS
I asked my husband “How it happened” And he told me how differently yet effectively he took care of her. He just let her cry and demand milk, similarly on her demand only he took her to bed for sleep. I agree that he skipped some bytes of food and he couldn`t bath her But it was all acceptable.
Till that time I over considered myself, that only I could understand her needs. But this small incidence made me very positive toward a good and synchronized upbringing of my baby. That seven hrs duration made me believe that I am not alone for her and I have a good partner. The same day I decided to discuss my fear of #ParentingFromTheSamePage with him and finally we decided that
-I will not interfere if he is up to something with our daughter (like if allows something then I will not deny the same) and vice versa
-Will never throw any tantrum violently in front of her even if we both disagree
-Always use respectful and decent language
-Will give space to each other without any argument
-I will never console if he is scolding her and vice versa
-Will discuss, discuss and just discuss each and everything rather than being judgmental
-We will believe in each other’s ability of upbringing
-We have just divided some of the most troublesome chores like:
Mine- what to feed how to feed and when to feed, allowing or not allowing daytime nap, TV timings (I know she is too young), her dressing, her routine till he arrives home
His- How he plays with her, shout or not to shout (although he do this rarely), Diapering at nights, letting or not letting her cry for his lap, her routine after he arrives
This is what we follow from Monday to Friday. On weekends we both take everything easy. Let her follow her own routine, sleep time playtime etc. and adjust accordingly.
You may laugh and say how idiotic it is too even fight or disagree over these small issues. But for me once it was a major cause of tension for the mother inside me.
All I want to say is just relax, don’t take it the negative and wrong way. Husband and wife both have some unique qualities; don’t let them go in ruin. Just use it in the positive way to nurture your little ones. Whenever you feel that your partner and you have East and West thought for your kid –Step forward -Believe your man, trust his words and even follow him sometimes (And Vice Versa), who knows U both comes up with a better thought and solution .
I know its very easy to SAY it all but on ground level its COMPLICATED, still NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
Just loss an argument and wins your little ones betterment .don’t try to always do the BEST sometimes do GOOD also. After all your husband and your child both are involved. (The same theory applies to FATHERS also but as most of the readers are females like me that’s why I am insisting on MOTHERS only)
Well I don't know that I am right or not or I made my point or not (Tell me I am right) But yes for one thing I am sure that the two should
“Be good Parents as well as good partners” at least for the overall well being of the mind and heart of your little one.